My husband has left our home and has been living somewhere else (alone) for the past 5 weeks. We still have daily contact with eachother and I see him on a regular basis. Although we are not intimate, we remain friends and civil with eachother. We don't talk about our relationship at all, which is very frustrating. He knows that I want to reconcile and want him to come home. He on the other hand, does not have any intentions of coming home at this time. I am very frustrated at this point because I feel as if he is getting his cake and eating it too. He comes and goes as he pleases but yet we aren't working things out, nor is he telling me what he is feeling, what he wants, if he want's to reconcile, etc. I have been remaining very patient with him, but I feel as if he needs to make a decision soon. How much longer do I need to wait??? Should I give him a deadline?? I love him so much and want him to come home. I even wrote him a heartfelt letter last week and he hasn't even read it yet. He said he is not ready to read it. I need him here with me either 100% or not at all, and I have discussed this with him, but he didn't react to it. I feel as if I need to give him a little awakening, but I don't know how to do it. I can't deny him of his child, nor his home, or can I, until he makes his decision????
What are his reasons for leaving? Is it possible he's having an affair? Is it possible he may have already made up his mind about ending the marriage but is not wanting to have to deal with telling you this? Or maybe he really does just need time to think things through. Either way you should start preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. Until he's willing to start talking, there's not much else you can do. In the meantime, I personally wouldn't suggest pushing him for a quick answer. He may resent you for it and choose to retaliate by taking the easy way out... divorce. Good luck.
Originally posted by Papillon
Get a divorce, and get it over with.
Good luck.
Easy for you to say! Fourteen years and I am supposed to give him a divorce?? I want counseling, I want another chance. This is all I ask. Why is divorce so easy for everyone?? I can't even say the word. It scares the crap out of me.
Have you gone for any marriage counselling? If he's not ready then go without him for now. Ask him to join you when he wants to and if he doesn't after a few more weeks, then if I were you I would give him the rude awakening he needs such as filing for legal separation and changing the locks.
I left for 3 months a few years ago when I was having an affair. The affair didn't last and the last two months of the separation were spent working towards reconnecting with each other and getting marriage counselling.
No, we have not gone to counseling, he refuses. I am making an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. In NJ there is no such thing as a legal separation, only divorce.
He was over the other day , we actually had dinner together and I tried to talk to him then. He never wants to talk and frankly I don't like "talking" because it always winds up in an argument. We just can't communicate and this is why I think the counseling will help. He finally read my letter telling him how much I love him and how I wanted to work things out. He told me that he only thought negative things after he read it. I told him that he had to get rid of the rest of his stuff, clothes, etc. I packed up a luggage and he left. Before he left, he said he was sorry. I know I am rambling and not making much sense, but everyone is giving me good advice. He is dosen't love me anymore, then I am going to have to accept that whatever I do or say, will not change his mind. The problem is that my heart is broken and I miss him everyday. I don't hate him, but sometimes I wish I did. Things would be so much easier.
You don't have to hate him, but you can be angry about what he has done. Sometimes it helps to be able to feel something other than the hurting. It's good that you're going for counseling. It won't be easy, but you will feel better once you accept it and start to move on.
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