[Merin]

Ugh! It's been a long day...

Well.. I don't really even know what I'm looking for here. Maybe I just need/want to vent.

My boyfriend of 2 years is a jackass! He has played the most games with my mind, and for the life of me.. I'll never get it.

As some of you may know... we've been in a LDR for most of our relationship, he is in the Military. He has done some pretty messed up things to me.. cheated, lied.. and I know I only have myself to blame for allowing him to do this to me by taking him back after the events happened.. (ugh, I think it's part of the reason I'm so p!ssed at myself!)

Anyway... he called me on Friday night. He must have told me 25 times how much he loves me, misses me etc. so I go to bed.. he calls me 30 minutes later and says I just want you to know REALLY KNOW how much I love you. So Saturday morning comes... I get up, but leave my cell phone in my room (I don't have a land line) I'm walking past my bedroom door and hear my phone going off.. so I answer it, it's him. He says he's been trying to call for awhile.. asks why I didn't pick up (note this is something that makes him crazy, if I don't answer my phone like on the first ring he goes physco it's one of his many control issues) so I tell him I had left the phone in my room and didn't hear it ringing (he called every few minutes, there was 23 missed calls within 20 or 30 minutes) so he is all okay.. says to me well keep the phone close to you, so when I call you answer. Hmmmm...

So I go on about my day with my little people.. (it's whacked out but my EX has my kiddos every other weekend, and suprise I notice that when I have them for the weekend, my bf would be a lot less likely to call.. but when I don't have them, he insist that I not go out with friends because he says he doesn't want me talking to guys, ugh!) Of course if he wanted to go out when he knows I'll be home with my little people then he was all good with that.

Anyway... so he calls me a few times during the day on Saturday.. asks what I'm doing (not to mention what I'm wearing when I'm out.. again control issues) the last time I hear from him is around 5 p.m Saturday night.. I'm at the bookstore and he says he is going to work on his car later.. blah blah.. tells me about a book he thinks I should get... tells me again how much he loves me, misses me... then I asked him if he is going to call me later on or if he is going out. He says "Oh no babe, you know I'm not going out" I said okay, so call me later then. He says, "That goes without saying" so he says again "Love you" we say bye.

Saturday night... no call. All day today... no call.

What in the he** is wrong with him?! My God, what in the he** is wrong with me?!

Why is it that he insist that he loves me so much, misses me so much blah blah blah, then he does this kind of crap?!

He has done this once before.... then gave me some lame a** excuse...

Blah! I'm p!ssed.. I don't even think I'm hurt anymore, just p!ssed!

[9Lives]

This soulnd like an emotional train wreak and you are going to be the casual. He is immature period. I know you love him but I think you are in trouble. He is playing games.

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
This soulnd like an emotional train wreak and you are going to be the casual. He is immature period. I know you love him but I think you are in trouble. He is playing games.

I know.

Ugh! Again, it's what makes me so p!ssed at myself. I know he is immature (and he's 28 years old for heaven sake!) I know he likes to play these little emotional games.. I guess what I want to understand is WHY does he do this crap?

Damn it, It should be the law when you're an A~Hole to HAVE to have a Big Letter A stamped on your forehead

I'm just aggravated, and disgusted.. and p!ssed at myself for even letting it get to me.

Mantra... "You can do better" "He is an a**hole" Om om om... "You're a good person and darn it people like you" "He is an a**hole" Om om om....

UUgggghhhhh!!!!

[9Lives]

It is too late to beat yourself up. The best and hardest thing to do is figure out how to get him out of your emotions. He has control because he can manipulate you and you are the "sucker" for it everytime. Not meant in a back way but that is what is happening to you. You got to check yourself. My heart goes out to you. This is hard but he is crazy girl. And the bad part is you love him

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
It is too late to beat yourself up. The best and hardest thing to do is figure out how to get him out of your emotions. He has control because he can manipulate you and you are the "sucker" for it everytime. Not meant in a back way but that is what is happening to you. You got to check yourself. My heart goes out to you. This is hard but he is crazy girl. And the bad part is you love him

Thanks Jv...

You know what... I Love the "Idea" of him... I don't think it's possible to REALLY "Love" someone who is like this...

Again, it's why I get mad at myself... I know that the only person I can change is me.

He has serious, serious control issues and he always has. I cannot think of a single person (including his own friends) who haven't told me... "Run!" he has always put almost all my value in my looks... (so damn shallow!) Not that he hasn't said other "nice things" jeez.. I'm defending him! Puke but really... this has always been an issue between us.

I don't know if he has been so much "In Love" with me, as he has been "In Love" with my appearence... and that just sucks!

I keep asking myself (and all of my poor friends) why why why he hasn't just "Let go" of all this IF he can't or won't tell the truth and stop playing games... I don't have the answer, and it aggravates me! I'm just the kind of person that has a NEED to know how things work and why... so it's very frustrating.

Manipulation.... damn just looked it up and his photo was right there in the dictionary with a giant A stamped across his head! Doh! Next time, I'm looking it up BEFORE getting involved bleck!

[9Lives]

If you want to put the control back into your hands, one way to do it is to suddenly change your phone numbers. He will looooose his damm mind. But atleast you know he aint going to call. That is if you can handle it. All I am trying to do is get you out of the manipulation you are under. It is up to you if you really want to be with someone like him.

[Just Visiting]

So what are your plans in dealing with the situation? I hope you leave this relationship because reading what you posted....it's scary. I mean really scary.

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
If you want to put the control back into your hands, one way to do it is to suddenly change your phone numbers. He will looooose his damm mind. But atleast you know he aint going to call. That is if you can handle it. All I am trying to do is get you out of the manipulation you are under. It is up to you if you really want to be with someone like him.

MG!

LOL it's funny you would say that... because I've actually done that to him!

Know what happened... (as I mentioned he's in the Military) he got my new number via his connections...

DOH!

I know what you're saying though Jv..

Right now, I figure IF he calls (all of my friends and family say God hope he doesn't but they think he will, just because he loooovveeesss the game) the best thing for me to do, is NOT take his calls, return text mssgs or respond to email.. because if there is one thing (again as I mentioned) that makes him like Norman Bates is being IGNORED. He goes freaky!

Crap! It's only Monday tomorrow... long week ahead of me at work... BUT I figure IF he does try to contact me (I say no, but I always say no because I let my insecurities get the best of me) If I can make it through to the end of the week... (He knows I don't have my little people next weekend) then my butt is going out with my girlfriends and he can sit and spin in that!

What I really need to do is put a stop to the damn game, say I'm out, I got nothin... and move on.

Why does it have to be so hard even when they are a jackass?

[9Lives]

Because you fell inlove with a jacka. That is why it is hard. I understand. It is hard even when they are jacka. My ex is a jack and I still like him. Why? I dont know but I did leave before I lost total control.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Just Visiting
So what are your plans in dealing with the situation? I hope you leave this relationship because reading what you posted....it's scary. I mean really scary.

Yeah... blah!

I get so mad at myself for all of this bull*****!

Because I know I have the option to say "STOP I want off!" and you know, I kick myself right in the a** for not doing it every single time he's pulled some crap like this on me.

It isn't even a matter of self confidence in myself... I know I can do better... I know I'm an intelligent girl... I don't lack male attention.. what is it? Is it that I hate to lose? Blah! I don't know...

Sometimes I think it's my need to know what makes someone like this tick... but then again... my best girlfriend is like "He's an a**hole, what more is there to know?" Ugh!

Maybe now I just want to get even? I want to p!ss him off and hurt him back?

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
Because you fell inlove with a jacka. That is why it is hard. I understand. It is hard even when they are jacka. My ex is a jack and I still like him. Why? I dont know but I did leave before I lost total control.

LOL you know what Jv? I soooooooo wish that had been his name!

"Hi I'm Jack... Mr. Jack A**"

REALLY?

"Well I'm SeeYa.. SeeYa Later Jack A**!"

Now it's just time for him to meet "NunYa"

"NunYa Damn Business what I do, whom I see, OR what I'm wearing when I go out!"

Ugh!

Jv... I'm happy you didn't lose your mind in your relationship... thank you girl for listening

[9Lives]

Well you need to PROVE that you really value yourself. You are going in circles girlfriend. MAKE A MOVE OR KEEP RIDING THE TRAIN. Your self worth and self value is more important. You are hurting, you just dont want to accept how much right now. You are going to LOSE if you STAY. Not leave. So win the war girlfriend. I know..it is hard. but still

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
Well you need to PROVE that you really value yourself. You are going in circles girlfriend. MAKE A MOVE OR KEEP RIDING THE TRAIN. Your self worth and self value is more important. You are hurting, you just dont want to accept how much right now. You are going to LOSE if you STAY. Not leave. So win the war girlfriend. I know..it is hard. but still

Jv... I can't afford to keep riding the crazy train, the emotional cost is WAY to high a price.

Yes, it does hurt.. for a lot of reasons...

For the life of me I can't understand how someone can insist they are so in Love with you... (Jeez he even asked me to marry him!) then less than 24 hours later decide "GAME TIME" It just feels like such a set up.

It hurts because I'm smarter than this and better than this.. and I've allowed this to happen.

It hurts because of the time I put into it.

I know within enough time, I will be all okay again and will have learned a valuable lesson in what isn't okay, know what I mean?

I know staying means ultimately losing (and omg I hate to lose lol)

Jeez... it's hard not to get injured in winning the war.

Again Jv... my thanks for helping me out by being here

[9Lives]

I am rooting for you. good luck

[Merin]

Originally posted by jvjrose
I am rooting for you. good luck

Thank You