[Leach]

Here is my problem in a couple of sentences, cause I dont want to bore everyone with my life story. I broke up with my girlfriend today, but it wasnt the first time. I have a problem with relationships cause of my past with my mother.

Ok now the life story:


The worse memory of my mother is when I was about 6 years old (I'm 18 now), I was in Los Angeles at the time with my mother. Well, we was downtown walking into she stopped and began to talk to a security guard, then she asked him to watch me for a second into whatever (to goto the store, had to meet someone, etc. Dont remember the reason) anyways, after a hour I think you kno what happen next. She never came back. After a hour of waiting, the guy called the police, then I stilled in a temporary home with a family, into my grandmother took me out of there, after a month.

There is other factors I hate my mother (She is literally crazy, there is along line of mental problems on one side of my family....mother side). During my whole life my father wasnt in the picture.

Back to the main point I need help with, my now "EX" girlfriend loves me. As I said I broke up with her about 3 other times. We been together for only 4 months, I kno that may not be along time, but I need help with this problem...during our relationship I would say mean things to her, then the next day I would say I was sorry and asking for her to forgive me. I think...I kno this is a problem cause of my mother, I just want to stop it before I start a new relationship or if I do get back with my "ex", so I wouldnt hurt her anymore.

Any Advice about my problem?!?

[Merin]

It sounds to me that you want to abandon her (or anyone else whom you may love) BEFORE they can abandon you.. I also think it is the reason you say mean things to her, in a attempt to "test" her love for you.. see if she will leave you by yourself (Like your mom did)

Until you've come to some resolution regarding what happened to you when you were 6 years old, I have the feeling this pattern will continue to repeat itself in any relationship you may have.

That is a tramatic event to happen.. my boyfriend went through something similar.. different circumstances I will not get into.. but none the less.. he now I believe fears abandonment just as you do.. and he often (again I believe) says or does things, testing the waters.

This is a very difficult situation to be in, not only for you but for your girlfriend as well.

Please get into some counseling, so that they can better guide you in figuring out how you can find resolve and be able to move forward in a good relationship (regardless if it's with your EX or someone else)

Best Wishes

[Leach]

Thank you for posting on my problem, I have to look into finding help for it, the thing is my mother is in the same city, I think I have to try to forgive her some how. Good luck in your relationship.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Leach
Thank you for posting on my problem, I have to look into finding help for it, the thing is my mother is in the same city, I think I have to try to forgive her some how. Good luck in your relationship.

You're welcome

Agreed.. forgivness sometimes sets you free..