[johan]

I was reading the post about the guy who won't give up the internet dating sites, even though it bothers the girl he lives with. He's keeping his exposure to women in search of relationships open. He'll be aware of lots of options, even though he lives with his girlfriend. So of course she is tense about it.

There was another post about whether it's any of your partner's business what you do with your computer behind closed doors.

There is a continual stream of "my husband is checking out porn all the time" threads.

People are dating their computers.

We're moving toward a society where lifetime commitments to a relationship are getting to be more and more meaningless all the time. I could be establishing a relationship with a woman from pretty much any country in the world by the end of the day. So how much grief am I going to tolerate from the one I'm with? All I have to do is head up to the office and escape.

Maybe it makes sense to discuss the internet early in a relationship so you can determine how much of an effect that is going to have.

[tokyo]

You raised some very good questions, johan. I´ve posted something about this topic in another thread. I think if I had a partner I would expect him to stay away from the computer as much as possible, including LS, no kidding. Few videogames. And definitely no chatrooms, under no circumstance.

Time that you spend on the internet is not time that you live, it´s not time that you will remember and there´ll be no memories to cherish. Life´s too short for this. If you have someone you care for it´s a thousand times nicer to be with this person in real life.

[mymojo]

" lifetime commitments" in a country where something like 60% of marriages end in divorce?

America is a land where serial monogmy is pretty much the norm.The internet and porn are not to blame, in fact I think they prolong marriages/relations by providing people with enough spice and variety in sexual stimulation to keep them physically faithful to their partner.

Everybody is disposable and easily replaced,usually with a younger, better looking, better educated or high earning partner.Thinking that one is somehow "special" and immune to being traded in for a bigger,better deal is grandiosty bordering on the delusional.

[tokyo]

America is a land where serial monogmy is pretty much the norm.The internet and porn are not to blame, in fact I think they prolong marriages/relations by providing people with enough spice and variety in sexual stimulation to keep them physically faithful to their partner.

Everybody is disposable and easily replaced,usually with a younger, better looking, better educated or high earning partner.Thinking that one is somehow "special" and immune to being traded in for a bigger,better deal is grandiosty bordering on the delusional.

Well, that´s not how it should be.... Actually, I´m tired of hearing people talk about sex all the time. It´s just everywhere.

[johan]

I don't know how it should be. But I know what I want. I want a lifetime commitment, or as close as I can get to that. I understand the odds are still stacked against it. Which makes eliminating even the smallest negative influences that much more important. For me anyway. I guess that means I'm going to have to give up some control of my free time and how I use it.

[tokyo]

This is not about controlling anybody´s free time (I will assume you still have your topic in mind), but I think it´s respect for your partner if you reduce your time on the internet and don´t go surfing dating sites, chatrooms, etc. because you have someone already. I´m sure if you spend enough time on the internet sooner or later you will fall for someone, simply because you don´t have the hassle with everyday life, you don´t see a grumpy face in the morning, you don´t have a stressed partner, you just see wonderful understanding words on the display. It´s not about control, it´s about you showing respect to your partner. You would also not go out alone all the time and hang out in bars if you have someone.

[mymojo]

Originally posted by johan
I don't know how it should be. But I know what I want. I want a lifetime commitment, or as close as I can get to that. I understand the odds are still stacked against it. Which makes eliminating even the smallest negative influences that much more important. For me anyway. I guess that means I'm going to have to give up some control of my free time and how I use it.

If a relationship is vibrant and healthy one would not need to don blinders like a horse in order to enjoy and keep that relationship alive imho. Words like "give up" "control" "elimination" don't seem to me to be part of a dynamic,expansive lifestyle but rather point to one being shackled to a restrictive,chaffing relationship.

In my opinion, if you are in a fulfilling relatioinship, you would have no need for excessive internet relationships.

I'm not saying that i'm against chat rooms, or online gaming with people from all over the world. I occasionally enjoy a game or two of internet backgammon.

BUT...... If you are sitting at the computer and your partner is sitting in another room, and you are persuing an internet relationship with someone of the opposite sex, then there is a problem with your real world relationship. You're getting something from that person on the internet that you're not finding in front of your face.

Internet relationships are a huge grey area. There are people you just enjoy BS'ing with and then there are ones where a person is more emotionally attached. Example: If a guy is online talking with a gal and talking trash about his girlfriend and looking at the internet gal's b..bs on her web cam. That is not good. If a guy is just online talking about funny stuff and life, that's OK. If the girlfriend tries to take it away from him all together, he's going to pull in the opposite direction (and visa versa). Communication is the key.

I'll occasionally send my guy an email, telling him how much I love him, or what I want to do with him when he gets home. Sometimes it's a little less akward or embarassing to type it than say it. It really spices things up between us.