I am going to try really hard not to make this long but I need serious help.
I met this guy about six months ago. He told me that he was married but seperated. His wife lives in California and we live in Europe. He did not live with his wife, and I knew people who told me that he was seperated and lived apart from his wife for seven years. He told me that his wife and he had remained friends and he just never went through the divorce process because he hadn't met anyone he cared to marry etc...
Some bio data as well. There do not have children. He is 36 and his wife is 47. They married when he was 23 and she was 34 and they have been separated since he was 29.
Ok so I knew that it was weird but I felt that 7 years of seperation must mean he it would not be difficult to leave if he found the love of his life. And I found him so hard to resist. He pursued me alot. He was very handsome. He was such a perfect boyfriend. He was very careful about my needs. Always so good to me. He pampered me and was so romantic. For my birthday he took me to Venice and he told the hotel desk to give us the honey moon room because we were just married. Since we lived three hours apart, sometimes I was too tired on weekends to drive ( I would have to go there because he worked half days on weekends) to meet him so he would pay a taxi to drive me. He wanted to spend every minute with me.
Last month we started talking about getting married. He told me that he wanted me to be his wife and that he has never been happier. We went to tell my parents and he put a ring on my finger. I did not tell my parents he was married because I figured that his marriage would soon be over and I did not need to upset them.
When we talked about his divorce he told me he would go to the USA to meet with his wife and ask her for the divorce. A few days later he announced to me that she was coming to visit him and that he would use this opportunity to divorce her. I was very uneasy about her coming here and staying with him. I voiced this concern and was very upset. He told me quote "dont worry silly, I love you, we will get this out of the way and be able to be together forever"... Ok, so I decide to trust him.
So she gets here and that is when he vanished for a few days. He stopped calling me. Of course, I did not call him. But I was falling apart. Finally I called him very angry. We spoke in my language so that she wouldn't understand. He started telling me that he was very upset, that she had not taken it well. etc.... That he had to be there for her. Then he said she will be here for two more weeks.
I asked him "have you changed your mind" ... are you going back to her". He kept swearing NO, I love you, just give me some time. So ok, I decided to wait.
I was feeling very very bad. I was vomiting all day.. At first I thought it was because I very much upset. Then I went to doctor and found out that I am pregnant.
I cannot even write the words what happened afterwards. ALL THE LIES that happened. I found her love notes all around the house, in his bed. He never left her and he doesn't want me or my baby. Also my doctors say that there is danger because I take many pills in first day of my pregnancy. Sleeping pills and anti-depressants. I am going mad.
I cant talk to anyone about this. This will kill my parents. What am I to do?
and I knew people who told me that he was seperated and lived apart from his wife for seven years.
He never left her
Huh? Which is it? If he lives in Europe and she in California, how can he not have left her?
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
What I meant was that he told me he was going to divorce her so we could be married. After she left, he told me that he would do the divorce. Well he hasnt and he does not intend on divorcing her and marrying me at all. He continues to see her they have a long distance relationship.
And now that I have a child in my stomach he has told me he flat out does not want to have anything to do with me.
Last edited by silverada; 1st October 2004 at 8:30 AM.
Oh man, that's f*cked up. Get away from this dude as far as you can......I mean us MM do some weird sh*t, lie,...but this is truly screwed up. What you must do immediatelly as the child is born is seek alimony and make him pay through his *ss, laws out there will protect you. And keep off pills...think of your child primarily...all this stuff happening now is upseting you too much and is not healthy for the kid. You need to tell your parents as well....have them be there for you (if you're European, your dad is probably gonna be heading out there to kill him....hehehe, us Europeans). But seriously, there is a whole new little being here and you MUST think of its wellbeing first.
I am so sorry you're going through this....use this forum to vent....don't keep it in.
Take care
He told me that if I tried to get child support or if his wife found out that he would take the baby away from me and that baby is American citizen. He told me that he will prove that I am crazy. But yes I am crazy now. But I was not crazy before. I am upset who wouldn't be. Is that possible? Can he do what he says?
OMG, this guy is human waste..........Yes, the baby CAN be an american citizen, however, this does nothing in terms of him getting custody for the baby. Aside from that......leaving you right when finding out you're pregnant will not work well in his custody case....I highly doubt he could win that. Your country's laws will protect you as a mother (i don't know which country but you can reply or PM me the country and i can find out for you) if there is no threat for the baby i.e. no danger of abuse, financial stability, history of mental instability etc.
YOU NEED TO BEHAVE IN A VERY, VERY STABLE MANNER FROM NOW ON. All (tangible) emotional outbursts could, aside from harming your kid, harm your custody case. If everything is normal you should be fine and will keep your kid....In Europe, family laws largely favor the mother (especially in an infant age).
We are all here for you so if there is any way to help or consult.....
I AM NOW OFFICIALLY ASHAMED OF BEING MALE.
Last edited by MMBastard; 1st October 2004 at 10:21 AM.
I'm so sorry Sil for what you are going through! I really do feel for you and what you're feeling...
Get a lawyer and fast. Find out what your options are. He is the CRAZY one NOT you!!! You must believe that. You have done NOTHING wrong here my friend. He is a piece of dog sh*t, derserves to be...Well, I can't go there. I just don't know how he is able to sleep at night. I understand the physical reactions you're having about this, I felt sick reading what that a**hole has done to you!!
Also, look into some therapy. You need now to put yourself and the baby you're carrying first. Eliminate as much stress as you can..BUT I know that is so hard right now considering what is going on. I am SO MAD for you! I don't know him but I HATE HIM for what he's done to you and this poor innocient child.
The therapy will help you cope, deal with all those emotions...I really hope you consider it Sil.
All my best and again, hang in there...Talk to your family OK? Let them help you out even if it means they might get upset. You can't go through this alone and you shouldn't have to! Keep posting here, as you can see, you have alot of love and support on this board!!
Um, I cant tell you what to do about him except stay away from the antichrist.
On the flip side, dont worry about the child. This guy wont want it.
And to make you feel better, my friend has a baby she had with someone whom she hates now. She tried to take the child to America and he prevented her by placing an alert with the police in his home country. The child is also a Romanian citizen dear and I am sure your could do something to protect it.
By the way, you have eight or so months to think about that. Try to focus on other stuff now, like your well being.
He told me that if I tried to get child support or if his wife found out that he would take the baby away from me and that baby is American citizen. He told me that he will prove that I am crazy.
You can ignore that crap 'cause it's garbage. He's just trying to bully you.
The baby isn't an American citizen - it will be a citizen of the country into which it is born.
And he doesn't have a chance of getting custody if he's abandoned you & you two are not married.
Sil, I'm glad you are telling your parents...And the fact that we helped is wonderful. Makes me feel good because you're doing the right thing...Gonna be hard but it will be so much harder on YOU if you keep it to yourself. Don't be afraid to reach out OK baby??
I'll check back in later this afternoon. It's a gorgeous day outside and I can't sit inside anymore! Hugs to you and I'm glad you posted back so soon.
Originally posted by bluechocolate He told me that if I tried to get child support or if his wife found out that he would take the baby away from me and that baby is American citizen. He told me that he will prove that I am crazy.
You can ignore that crap 'cause it's garbage. He's just trying to bully you.
The baby isn't an American citizen - it will be a citizen of the country into which it is born.
True, however, the baby's father can apply for the baby to be given US citizenship (which it will since one of the parents is american).....however, this should not concern you. You will fight for the baby under Romanian laws.....
MMBastard is right... he can apply to have the child get US Citizenship. But that does not mean that he can just walk into your house and pick up the kid. The child is also a citizen of your country and there are international treaties that actually govern those types of relations as well.
Please try not to panick. And yes do tell your folks. They will help you.
He's Just NOT THAT INTO YOU... read that book and 101 Lies Men Tell Women and Women Who Believe Them. DON'T DATE MARRIED MEN OR SEPARATED MEN... Jeeze... that's RED FLAG 101!!!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
