[lostgirl26]

I am in this horrible teetering phase. So I'll try to be brief.

My husband and I have been married 5yrs, been together 7. We met after both of us getting out of horrible relationships. I moved to this place to be with my ex boyfriend, needless to say he manipulated me and that did not work out. I only just ended the friendship with him a few months ago because he could not respect the boundaries of my marriage, sh-tty as it is. He moved back to my home state and I have no regrets about ending that friendship at all.

Anywho, I really truly fell head over heels for my husband as he did for me. We were very young though, I was 19 he was 23. I waited till 21 to get married. Things were always a little rocky and I guess I thought that with age and time they would get better. I was wrong, the friends were always coming first. Never had help around the house......etc...Two years ago our house started to go into foreclosure(things had been unstable before that)due to my husband being laid off, but I picked up a second job to avoid our credit getting any worse and trying to work out a deal to save the house. My husband did nothing, not one thing. I shouldered it all, he sat around and played video games made sure he was able to hang out with the friends.

I got angry and finally talked to him about it but he just got defensive. I suggested not being married anymore unless he agreed to counseling. We went through about a year of counseling and to no avail(my avail) things have changed but not by much. I have tried to be better about speaking up for my feelings, but it usually just turns into a arguement with him being defensive and myself not wanting to back down because I am tired of being walked all over. Then as if the foreclosure was not bad enough, in between working two jobs my grandfather who had cancer finally got to the point of needing to be in hospice. I went to see him and my husband acted like a jerk the whole time I was there, mad because I was too busy to call or really didn't feel like talking. When he passed away I had to fly back pretty much right after leaving and my husband did something that really hurt me, he took two days of grievance and did not go with me(I did not want him there at this point), but that in my book was just wrong. I would never have done something like that with a member of his family.

His family upbringing has a lot to do with the way he acts. Needless to say its been a year now and we have pretty much been living complacently. He is upset because I am not able to bring myself to be close to him emotionally or physically. I tried a month or so ago to forgive and forget eventually after making it clear to him that if he screwed up again that I would be gone. But I just cannot seem to get over it, I am so hurt and he will never see my side of things. Our house was just recently put on the market as we have to decided to jut get an apartment to make things easier financially. While our finances our fine now thanks to me working my a-- off and paying just about everything off. I guess I don't know what to do at this point or how I feel. I am wondering if it would be better if after our house sells give him the option to find an apt that he can afford on his own. Either way anything I do is not going to be completely amicable. I am now 26 and don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. Sorry this ran so long, its tough to cut it down to size.

Lostgirl26