As many of you already know about my b/f and his mental disorders.
I have tried everything in my power to help him with his problems but he is so up and down all the time I feel like I will never get anywhere with him. He is Bipolor and is having a Manic Episode that has lasted for about a month. Last night I tried to admit him in to a mental institution and he acted like he was fine and didn't get admited. this morning he asked me to admit him after all the drama last night. I love him so much and hope the best for this man, but I cannot live like this anymore his disorder is controlling my life and he refuses to take control over it.
I wish everything would just go back to normal like it was a couple months ago, i look at him now and I don't even know who he is. I can't sit around and wait for him to snap out of it bacause I have to worrry about my child. He is constantly blamming everyone for his problems, and he won't take control over his life. He blames the war he was in for everything but refuses to go to the VA and get help. He really want's to end his life.... I know he has a plan.
The man I was once so madley in love with, the man I wanted to marry and live happily ever after with no longer exists.. I feel like he has died. and I am afraid to leave him now in fear he will wake up from his MANIA and kill himself....
Next time he is amenable to being admitted, drive him to the psych hospital yourself. Be sure to have a written record of his recent symptoms so the doctor can fully evaluate his condition. This kind of illness is so scary and painful to the loving onlookers, such as yourself.
Treatment can improve his condition a lot. How about putting decisions on hold until after he has been getting adequate treatment for a while?
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Leaving a relationship is difficult at the best of times but when your partner is this unstable it makes it especially hard as you feel you are responsible for their very life. You are not though, stoneheather. Never doubt it.
If I were you I would plan carefully for how he will manage without you and get him as much help as you can. If he's been admitted now then talk to the health care professionals about what extra support may be available to him if he needs it. Ask his family for help too. There are support groups for carers of people with such illnesses, you may find them useful.
Oh gosh, I am sorry you are having to go through this, as if you don't already have enough on your plate! I know you have been agonizing about what to do about this situation for a while.
I agree that you should probably put off making any drastic decisions until he gets some treatment. But, I'm not sure this is the guy for you. You already have a child that needs more than the usual amount of care, and you are that child's sole support. You need someone to support you, not someone that you will have to take care of too. But, I know it is hard when you care for somebody, and your son cares for him too.
The best thing you can do is get your boyfriend to someplace where he can be helped (local hospital, psych ward...)- and keep your child safe. Do try to get him to admit himself, or do it against his will (threatening suicide will be an automatic in). He can probably be held involuntarily for 48-72 hours and maybe won't be able to keep up his "normal" act that long. Then the doctors can choose to keep him there and monitor him longer.
When he gets out have another support system ready for him. Does he have any other family?
Yes he has other faimly, but he blames them for everything to and hates them. He went to see his doctor at 10:00 and I haven't heard from him, maby he is already in the psych ward... I wish the VA hospital would take him, the psych wards where we live are medication based rather than therapy based he's on med's already he needs extensive pshyco therapy
Do people who want to kill themselves, because they have so many problems, but still refuse to get help, really want to kill themselves or is it just for blackmailing and making other people feel guilty by blaming them for their miserable life? Just curious, I don´t really know anybody who´s like that.
You have obviously dealt with a lot. Being involved with someone who has a psychological disorder is usually something I have learned to stay far away from. If you are so unhappy, I suggest doing what would make you feel better, and leave the relationship.
If he wants to go and kill himself because of that, that is his decision and you cannot be held liable. He is his own person, and you do not have to take care of him. Additionally, you should not be in a relationship in which you are not happy, and in which you feel threatened over leaving.
I'm sorry stoneheather. I have personally been in a situation much like yours, and it was one of the worst things I've gone through. One of the best things I have done was to stay away from that relationship at the end. The hospital your boyfriend is in most likely offers a support group for family/friends of the patients. Maybe you should look into that?
i know I should end it but I keep thinking about how wonderful our relationship was like before he was sick, I was the envy of all of my freinds because I had this mand who adored me...
I am so sorry to hear about you going through this. Is he on alot of meds? Curious because I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar and I'm on Symbyax, which has helped me a lot.
I agree with the other posters, that if he does decide to commit suicide, it is his choice, but tell his doc that he is talking like that.
bipolar is a cycling disorder, so he will be normal again, and he will be hypomanic again, but he will also become depressed and severely manic again. if you can't handle that-if you don't want to handle that-then DON'T.
ultimately you need to look out for yourself and for your son. even if he treats you well when he is healthy, that may not be good enough. if things are only good when he is doing well and you can't control when he is doing well (and he refuses to try) then what is that? that's not a healthy relationship.
it is not acceptable for you to be in a relationship where you are only happy about 1/3 of the time. you deserve more than that.
it is going to be hard to get over him, but make sure you really think about the man he is, not the man you wish he were or the man he is some of the time. you need to remember all the good and all the bad to really heal after this.
for you every day ordeal with this man. I've never been down that road, and I can't even begin to imagine. All I can say is hang in there and do what feels right in your heart. You will know exactly what you need to do.
Have faith that you will get through this........I do
Originally posted by kooky
Do people who want to kill themselves, because they have so many problems, but still refuse to get help, really want to kill themselves or is it just for blackmailing and making other people feel guilty by blaming them for their miserable life? Just curious, I don´t really know anybody who´s like that.
Having sought help and tried many many different meds over 4 1/2 years i no longer wanted help and tried to take my own life, after such a long time and so many 'failures' i could never see a day when i would be better, also alot of bad habitual thinking is involved. Of course each person is different and only a VERY few ppl with a mental illness try to take their own life (around 1-3% so im told)
Bipolar is best treated with meds, then the bad/damaging habitual behaviour and thoughts that have built up over the time scale of the illness can be treated (i favour Cognative Behavioural Therapy ove psycho dynamic but thats just me)
To the original poster
My wife left me about 3 weeks after my suicide attempt, in all honesty it didnt make me want to kill myself anymore than i already felt. Also my life is my responsability not hers.
the suicide statistics for bipolar are much worse. attempted suicide is anywhere from 25-55% and 'successful' suicide is as high as 19%
scary statistics indeed
the highest risk is associated with type II bipolar, then type I bipolar, then unipolar depression (then I think it's schizophrenia, but don't quote me on that)
the highest risk is associated with mixed moods and depressed moods
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