[mayatha]

hi..
i need to get a professional advice from someone..its about my relationship which is most likely going down..i want to keep it still but how to cope with all this..

i have been with my b/f for abt two yrs and we are planning to get married soon..

few months ago i found him cheating on me, i actually caught him with the girl when he went off for a business trip..i tracked him down after having nothing but my intuition that he is doing something wrong..

i dont wanna talk abt the details coz it hurts me every time i remind myself abt it..and its almost every day..

after the incident i forgave him and for the sake of our r/ship i decided to go on with him but never knew it will be hard to forget..

we are still together , i luv him too much...he does evthing for me but my suspicions are constant, every day..every time..

he told me he wants nothing to do with that girl but i still have fear he is phoning her and is in some way in touch with her...

pls whoever read this ...give me some advice ..some of your experiences..

shuld i go on with this person..coz we are very close to get married and i am scared to death..

plese help..

lots of luv
Maya

You didn't specify whether or not you are already engaged. If so, and you've set a date for the wedding - put it on hold! Do not marry this guy right away.

It is extremely difficult to work through the issues surrounding your partner's cheating, the lies they've told you, and the feeling of being worthless that you're left with. I've done it several times, and wish I hadn't. But, if both parties are up to the challenge, it's not impossible.

You need to make sure he understands that he is absolutely not allowed to contact this woman. I don't care if it's on the phone, instant messenger, there is no excuse for it.

Next, set up an appointment for you and him to see a counselor. Trust me, you're going to need a third party to help you sort things out. You should have done this immediately. What have you been doing these past months to deal with the stress/pain in your relationship?

Lastly, find out what was missing in your relationship that made him look elsewhere (do not mistake this as me saying it was your fault). Do you spend time together? Are you intimate often? Etc.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Maya. I've been there.

Good luck to you.

-Deranged

[MMBastard]

Yes Maya, seek professional help. Counselling should help clear some things up. I read a book about salvaging relationships and one of the strongest points made was "The only type of relationships that cannot be saved are those that involve violence and substance abuse.". If there is love on both sides you guys can save this. Good Luck.