BF of one year decided after I confronted him about some things I didn't appreciate, that he was not ready for the kind of committed relationship I was, but he still loved me and needed time.
The first 6 weeks, I only saw him twice, once for a dinner he invited my visiting mom to and to meet his visiting sister. Second, because he was drunk and needed a ride home. He said he loved me, but didn't want a relationship, I deserved more, it was him, not me, and when he's ready, he already knows me and will come back.
How could he let me go, if he really loved me? I agreed, though, and it went on for 6 months! He was more considerate of me, telling me he missed me, did more to show he cared, called just about every night, so it was easy to get caught up. But I had decided if we were still doing this casual thing after 6 months, I was out.
So last weekend I told him, I love you, but I don't want this kind of relationship. He said he loved me and it was a very cordial ending. I told him I needed to really understand that it was over and couldn't with all his kind gestures. I will not talk to him or see him this time to give him a chance to really miss me.
What do you think will happen and what is he thinking now? Did I do the right thing? Is he afraid of marriage? He said he knew that was the next step and he had cold feet, but if he's not ready, why should I hold on?? Please let me know what you think, gentlemen!!
I confronted him about being too available to so-called-friends that were only using him (he considered them family). He thought I was controlling and insecure, but those people were really the reason we had the problems we did. Other than that, our relationship was wonderful. Men have a way of not noticing things that women pick right up on.
gosh... what a BS term.. it litterally means "what i'm trying to say is that your suggestions make total sense, and in fact i agree with them, but i either am too stupid to not do the logical thing or to damn proud to do it your way".......
and INSECURE...........
gosh... what's wrong with doing a little relationship 'gardening'???? especially when the other person won't give you even the slightest hint about what they're feeling/who they are.
if he's not ready... then find someone who is if your ready....
Yes, it's an ego thing and boy does he have one. Right, do some gardening and put the pride to the side, bro, cause u got dismissed in the process....and I know he's missing me!! I just know there's someone out there who's willing to love a strong, intelligent woman and not feel intimidated, but strengthened with me being by his side to help along life's way. Thanks for your encouraging words. Do you have a thread you want to me to advise you on?
Controlling is when you deliberately try to manipulate him into abandoning friendships. Controlling is when you treat him like he can't understand himself.
I'm not trying to be rude at all, but if a woman needed to "garden" my life, blamed our problems on people close to me, and didn't trust me to make my own decisions, I'd probably want to get into a healthier relationship.
Basically, that's the way he took my concern. It's not that I'm trying to manipulate, but sometimes you can't see because you're too close. I heard thru another that now he sees what I've been saying. I've learned that sometimes maturity must come into play and a person who can't see the forest for the trees needs God, a telescope, candle, and/or a caring friend who can bring unclear things to the light. A person who's ready, is ready. Thanks for your comment, anyway!
Well.. there's a fine a line between controlling and actually LOVING someone to the point where you want what's best for them(and no it isn't up to you to decide what is and what isn't... but..... an opinion never hurts) and your willing to give the honest brutal truth about what you think. Is it taken as manipulation.... I think only by the 'weak' who can't tell what is actually going on. Obviously, it all has to do with the delivery of opinions/concerns.... but the manner in which it is recieved is critical as well.
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Is it true love or games he's playing??
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