I am 28 and been married for less than two years and already thinking about leaving him. I don't want to seem like I'm giving up but the whole marriage has just been depressing me. My husband just lost his job again and we are tight on money. I can't work full time because I'm in Grad school and doing internships. He has been going out to bars like 3 times a week and spending money on beer which I think is a complete waste of money. When I tell him this he responds,"why does everything have to be about money with you?" If he was spending money for things we need I wouldn't get so mad.
I also think he should just take any job for the meantime and he refuses to and keeps reassuring he will find a good job. He can work at his cousins construction site for decent pay now and he refuses. His pride gets in our way constantly. I don't think he has many aspirations or goals and I feel like he doesn't care about supporting me. He just thinks everything will work out or he can just use all of the little savings that we have to keep us afloat.
I am starting to think that I married a loser and I could have done better. I didn't think I married a man who finds beer to be his number one priority. We have become quite distant and at times I just wish he was out of my life so I could move on. He gets frustrated and angry at every little thing now and it is driving me nuts. We don't have kids and he has absolutely no collateral so a divorce should be easy right. I just feel bad because my parents paid for this wonderful wedding a year and a half ago. Is it too soon to be thinking about a divorce or should I get out now before we have kids?
I could never be happy if I didn't have an equal. I'd scream and shout and drive him mad if I saw him give up. I'd try my best to help and support, but I'm all for help untill it gets to the money. This a Tabu for me.
My parents have fought daily in order to establish how to make best use of it, of educating my sister and I... So by disrespecting me, he's disrespecting what I represent, my family, our efforts and sacrifices. I'd say"pass" to such a man.
If I discovered he's not whom I want by my side in life, I'd leave. I am the type of person who wants to be absolutely sure there's nothing to save, so I think I could not be able to leave right away. But after a while I would. Certainly. I want kids, I want to have help in providing for them someday.
Wait untill when? You are already 28. Byological clock and all... Think.
Apart from what you have told do you have anything else to say or anyone else you are having other than him in your life to turn to for comfort. It sounds like you are a medical doctor with fellows and friends constantly around you who see and ask about your problems I guess. Are you torn in between two ends? While you are pushed awy from your husband, is there anyone else you feel you are attracted to?.
I could of wrote this post 10 years ago!!! Besides your H not having a job, your situation sounds so much like mine when we were first married. I went through it all, money problems, him spending money on beer almost every night, him asking me why money is such a big issue w/ me. I thought I made a mistake also. I couldn't get a divorce b/c my parent's also paid a lot for my wedding. Twelve years later things have changed, well besidese money problems. We both took a pay cut in our jobs when we moved and our rent is higher than our morgage payments were on our house. As for the beer, I made him quit drinking b/c one night 2 years ago he drove our kids home totally trashed. I told him that was the last straw!!! Either he quits drinking or the kids and I are gone. He quit right away. He also had anger issues and still does to this day. I told him to get help w/ that too or we were gone. He visited w/ his doctor who perscribed him anti-depressants. He doesn't take them anymore but he needs to. He has too much pride! Says he doesn't need them.
I think you should try marriage counseling if you want to save this marriage. I wish I would of done it when I was first marriage. Things might have been totally different. If he refuses to get marriage counseling, kick his butt to the curb!
I think you should try marriage counseling if you want to save this marriage. I wish I would of done it when I was first marriage. Things might have been totally different.
Me too!
He may also be an alcoholic. Check out AA and Al-Anon websites.
You don't strike me as shallow, I think its less the money, and more what he spends what little money that you have on, plus his lack of ambition when it comes to getting ahead.
I bet that if he spending the money on alcohol and got a job (even at a Wendy's or something) that you all probably wouldn't be having these issues.
AFter all, it doesn't sound like you married him for the money.
I think that he may have the start of an alcohol problem, because he gets defensive about it, and he also tries to put the blame on you for even bringing it up. Rather then say, "You're right, I do spend too much money on beer," (which is sensible) he says, "It's your fault for always focusing on money!"
He tries to blame you for the problems rather then taking responsibility for them.
In my opinion, you should seek marriage counciling with him. If he has too much pride for that, or AA, then I think you'll have to end up dropping the, "Divorce," bomb on him.
It sounds like you want to work things out, but that things also have to change for you to be happy. If you are willing to work on them, then that's what I suggest.
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I'm choosing to have no contact with the threads involving no contact. Is that healthy?
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Is it too soon to get a divorce?
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