Found out I am involved with a married woman
Back in April I placed an ad on the Latin version of Match.com in order to find some pen-pals to work on my written Spanish. That was my stated purpose and it was successful--I met several people that I am still in touch with in various parts of Latin America.
There was one person that seemed from the beginning to be a bit more interested communicating with me than the others because we had many things in common (both Buddhists, in the arts, Hispanic, etc.). While the ad said that she was in Colombia, she was now in Miami. We started emailing and she would help me with Spanish and I with her English. At the end of May I was in a serious bicycle accident and this person turned out to be a very kind and supportive friend that helped me get through that tough time. We continued to email and started chatting online and soon added a webcam. By the end of the summer, I had developed strong feelings for this woman and she when we talked about it it was mutual.
Near the end of the summer, I started noticing some strange things and it eventually turned out to be her husband coming online to see what she was up to. One day he introduced himself and that led to my asking for the "rest of the story": It turns out that she is married but that she has already been talking about separation with him. He is not a bad guy but they have nothing in common and she realizes that she should not have married him. Since we started out as "just friends" and then developed feelings, she found herself in a position of being afraid to tell me the truth about the situation for fear of loosing me.
After hearing the story I asked for a week of no contact to see where things sat with my heart. I can forgive not coming clean about the situation since it was started under other pretenses and many things are now clearer and make sense. I find that I really like so many things about her, but there is something causing a "wrong" feeling that seems to stay...
They were talking divorce after 3 months and well before she met me so I don't really feel like a homewrecker. Where the situation changes from the traditional "dating a married woman" scenario is that she is halfway towards getting her Green Card by staying in this marriage. I know, being part Venezuelan myself that the Green Card is very hard to get and I don't hold it against her for wanting it. The problem that I have is that she is going to essentially deceive this man for the coming 14 or so months until the Green Card comes in and that I am now party to this. It could come sooner, but that is the worst-case scenario. Also, according to her he has been online searching for quite a while, but that still does not make deception any less permissible.
We have not met yet in person and I have pointed out that that could really change how we see things... but I suspect that we will be very compatible. And despite shifting things to a slower pace, my feeling are increasing slowly but surely.
Thoughts?
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