[Elora]

I was sexually abused by...a VERY close family member when I was a child. I blocked it from my memory until high school, but at that time I thought it was someone else and I was much younger. I was very promiscuous and the only time I felt that someone would really like me is if I were to have sex with them. I lost my virginity at the age of 11.

About 3 or 4 years ago, which would be almost 12 years later I came to the realization of who actually did this to me. I also remembered doing the same things with female cousins around the same time as I was being abused. I feel horrible about it.

When I was pregnant last year, I just kept dwelling on this. I read somewhere it might be because I didn't have control of my own body and it would bring up bad feelings. Needless to say, I never told anybody about it until I told my husband this year. He wanted to know who it was, but I just couldn't tell him because we still see him.

I don't dwell on it per say, but it still pops in my head and I worry that something like this could happen to my son or if I were to have another child, hopefully not a girl! I admit it, it was my brother... and I don't hold it against him because he was pretty young too. He was old enough to know better, but still young. Can I also tell you guys something...when I was older 15-18 I slept with my step brothers. They would flirt with me and drop hints and I guess since they weren't blood relatives, I saw nothing wrong with it. You would think that I could have put 2 and 2 together and figured out I really was a screwed up girl.

Can you get over something like this without therapy? If you do "get over it", will you ever forget?

[Merin]

Your brother being young when he was abusing you doesn't excuse what he did.

It is possible that your brother was also abused...

Obviously this isn't something that you've been able to come to terms with on your own... and I really do think that therapy would be beneficial to you. I would also encourage you to talk more to your husband about this.... he may be a great source of support for you.

I would also strongly encourage you to talk to your brother about what happend, this has really had an impact on your life regarding other choices you made... I'm sure you must feel angry and confused about what he did and you deserve some answers from him.

I don't know if you ever "overcome" something like this, but certainly I do believe you can find some closure in being able to go forward in your life without this hanging over you.

Please seek some outside assistance.

[Leikela]

I work with kids who are physically and sexually abused and all of them are in some form of counseling. To the extent of the way you were abused, I can only see a professional counselor being able to help you. You don't have outside perspective on the situation since you're directly involved. A counselor will be able to guide you in many ways. You'll be able to interpret your feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them. You'll also be able to find a healthy way to cope with what happened to you.

Counseling with a licensed abuse counselor is what you need right now. It has done wonders for many of the kids here and for adults as well. Posting here is a start to your healing. It was good that you did that. Also, try and talk about it with your husband more. You're doing the right thing. Now go find that professional that can really help you. Best of luck to you!

[Taken_Angel]

First off I want to say that I AM SO SORRY! I too was sexually abused. It is something to affects us without us really realizing it (when we're young).

Acting out sexually (or so I've read and been told by a therapist) is something that's common in sexual abuse survivors. I didn't go through this stage but know some who did.

Anyway I agree that you should seek some sort of therapy for this. I think talking about it honestly and openly in a "safe" enviroment is the thing to do. I agree that your brother may have been abused by someone (usually kids act out what they've learned) so maybe seeing a therapist or counslor would do you a world of good.

Good luck and I wish you the best in your healing process!