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Need advice on my actions yesterday, please! :)
Yesterday was the first real time I've seen my ex since he broke up with me on Labor Day (two weeks ago tomorrow). I saw him briefly on Thursday because I asked him to come over so I could just say a few things to him and get one last hug from him, since I didn't know if I was going to see him again. We hugged twice that day, and I kissed his cheek twice, and he let me hold his hand while I explained to him what was going on with me, but then he had to get to a funeral, which was fine. He said he just wants to be friends for now, that he still has some feelings for me, that some part of him wants to be with me, but that a bigger part of him doesn't want to be. He says he still misses me, but that he needs time to himself. I KNOW he isn't seeing anyone else. He has a stressful job and just wants to go home and relax. So that's fine.
We're still friends, because we have a common activity that we're both involved in that neither of us want to give up. He told me on Thursday that he wanted to see me at this activity, which was yesterday, and I said I probably would go. Now, for the past two weeks I've been doing NOTHING but crying, not sleeping, not eating, and just hating my life completely, and doing nothing but asking our mutual friends friends about what I should do about him, etc.
So everyone expected me to be very mopey and depressed yesterday at this activity, and I wasn't. I made myself look really nice, pulled my ***** together, went and was as outgoing, charming, funny, friendly, sweet, and pleasant as possible. Basically the way I am when I don't let my insecurities get in the way. I was just myself, but let go of all my worries before I went. Our friends were blown away, as they've never seen me like this before (usually I'm defensive and insecure), and they thought it was a pleasant surprise. My ex was still somewhat distant to me at first, but he really warmed up to me, and we're going to see a movie on Friday (just as friends, I'm sure) apparently. I asked, but he accepted right away. He said he'd call me on Thursday to confirm, just because the next three days at work are going to be really hectic for him. He touched me on occasion, although just seemingly friendly, yesterday, and I'm trying not to read too much into it, but he doesn't touch anyone else. So I'm hoping this is a good sign.
So....I'm being outgoing and happy, and letting him contact me, although still being friendly to him. Am I doing ok so far? I'm not desperately trying to get him back, although I wouldn't mind at all if that happened. I'm just trying to be me and let go of my insecurities and defensiveness.
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