[philintroubled]

Okay heres the story. This is going to be difficult to express. okay I never have had a girlfriend or a kiss or anything until my woman came about a year ago to me. I was shy like always but she admired the fact that i played hard to get. We eventually got together and we clicked like THAT. ONe thing that bothered me was the fact that she had kissed so many men in her past(over 30, and she's just 16). But i was able to cope with this because i myself was in a whole new experience so it didn't matter that much.

Then at about 4 months she cheated on me. She was drunk and drugged and met up with one of her ex's and she went to third base with him that night. She told me immediately afterwards and said she was really sorry and would understand if wanted to break up. As much anger that i had for her i coudln't break up with her. I really really liked her. I gave her another chance.

SO we are going strong for a while and then at about 7-8 months something else happens. I found out she went to go visit one of her ex's secretly behind my back. She told me that she was tricked into going to her g/f's house and that the boy showed up because he still wants her back. Later in an arguement between my g/f and my friend i found out the truth. The truth was that she was the one that went with her g/f to HIS HOUSE. this broke my heart because she lied to me this time. She admitted to going to his house but she also told me that NOTHING HAPPENED. I had other eyewitness accounts that approved of this. She still to this day can't explain why she went. After this situation i was seriously considering letting her go. I told her i think we should break up and she burst into desperate tears of begging. She couldn't breathe or talk she just kept saying "sorry sorry please you mean so much to me". I didn't know what to do because my g/f is a cutter when she is sad. I didn't want her to go mutilate herself over me. Even then i still deep down didn't want to lose her.

So yes i did what you think i did. I gave her another chance. She didn't exactly cheat on me so i didn't know what to do. I said "don't expect the same level of trust from me for a while". And ever since then i have questioned alot of things stupid things. It's driving her nuts and she is very sad that i don't trust her as much as i used to. I been trusting her back though its just a slow process.

Heres my main problem. Ever since these events i have never completely deatl with them. I will occasionally think about them and be very frustrated. I will want to cheat back on her to even the feelings i have against her out. The thing is im no pimp so this isn't something i can do easily. She's the only hotty i've ever gotten. Until yesterday i found out a girl liked me at a party. I used to think she was hot back in the day but i never did anything about it. I am serisouly considering cheating on my g/f to help myself be at peace with my anger. I don't plan on haveing a realtionship with this potential cheat. I just want to do it to make myself feel better. I still want to keep my woman she still means alot ot me i am just so confused. please tell me what i should do.