[Joce1983]

Ok well so that you get the full story ill start from the beginning. At my 21st my bf went through my mobile and read some pretty bad mssges , me flirting with another guy. He assumed i was cheating on him and told his whole family.

Anyway so after everyone knew b4 me , i explained to my bf what was happening ( it was only txt mssges and nothing else.) and we talked about and eventually making up. So his mother, she tells her son (my bf) that i am a bitch, manipulative and that i dont love him. Making my bf upset obviously. She tells him that she never wants to see me again and that he has to choose. me or his family. I should add that we lived in a granny flat at the back of his parents house.

We have moved out now. The only problem we or should i say i have is his family. It is making me really depressed. My bf doesnt understand how much it hurt me for his mother to say that stuff. His dad has to sneak over here if he wants to see me and his sister is getting married in feb, and im not invited. Im not invited to any of the family things anymore. And its killing me inside. His family was like my second family.

Ive been with my bf for 4 yrs (im 21). All i did was send txt mssges that i shouldnt have, i didnt cheat on him but im getting treated like i have done the worst thing in the world.

So i dont know what to do. Please if anyone can give me advice or comment on my situation id love to hear from u.

[seahorse]

It seems from your post that it isn't his whole family that are against you, only his mother. So, she's the one that you need to open communications with. You said that she told HIM that she never wants to see you again, so; has she not spoken to you personally since the brown stuff hit the fan??

What sort of person is she? Usually easy going? Or someone who blows up at the least little thing? Whatever, you were living in on her property, and THEN you did something to hurt her "little boy", and we mothers can be like caged tigers when that happens, lol. (I've got three boys, jeez, what have I got to expect???)

His dad still seems to be friendly with you, so at least that's something.

If I were you, I would swallow my pride, and for the bf's sake, if you really love him, and for harmonious family relations, get my arse over there, or send a letter, or make a phone call and try to mend things. Explain about the txt messages as best you can, and try to get at least a line, albeit a thin one, of communication going.

It was a little unwise of you to: firstly make flirtatious texts when you're supposed to be in a committed relationship, and secondly, not to delete them!!! However, I'd be a bit dubious personally, of a bf who goes snooping through my mobile phone. Snoopers never find out any good, lol. Do you think he had reason to be suspicious of you?

[Joce1983]

I havent spoken to her since...........i was warned not to. Its not just his mother, its his whole family. His dad is a bit of a ........hmm over exagerator lol but thats ok.....his sister , well she has never been that nice to me anyway but his mum has held a grudge with his dads mum for 10 yrs ..........im scared that that will happen with us.

I told my bf that i would go and speak to her. It ends up that her being mad at me hurt him more than i did.......and thats why shes angry at me lol so yeah. I just want it to stop. I know i made a mistake and she knows all of this she just doesnt want to see or talk to me. I thought of writting a letter but at the moment im not sure i can write anything nice and even if i did what am i spose to say. "sorry for hurting your son,hes forgiven me so why cant u" i know she loves her son and cares about him but i think this goes alot further.............like maybe because he chose to come and live with me instead of leaving me like she wanted. I cant fix that.

I dont want to tell her all of the reasons why things happened like they did. i was depressed. miscarriaged and just got over glandular fever where i nearly died. I dont think i should have to. I just dont see how any of this has anything to do with her. We made up the next day once i talked to him about it. This was 2 months ago now on the night of my 21st.

Anyway im rambling but its making me feel better talking about it .
thanks for your reply

[seahorse]

Blimey, she seems like a bit of a control freak. Really she should be coming round to the idea that her son is happy to stay with you and that what makes him happy should be enough for her. It could just be pride getting in her way now. As the older woman, she may not want to be seen as backing down over declarations and ultimatums.

Actually, looking at what you put down as what you would write to her in a letter...sorry for hurting your son etc...well why not? You don't have to go into the other reasons, miscarriage etc. (very sorry to hear that btw, it must have been very tough for you), just to tell her that you made a big mistake, you love her son, you hope she'll begin to talk to you etc.

Good luck.

[Joce1983]

maybe its my pride getting in the way........but i guess i feel like she should appologise to me. I know it sounds selfish and probably immature but she has hurt me alot also for the things she has said about me.

I know i need to do something but its going to be so hard to say sorry for something i shouldnt need to appologise to her for. But i guess its either that or stay enemies for the rest of our lives.

Anyway thanks for all your help. It is very much appreciated.