I have a rather complicated five year friendship with a coworker. We had always been pretty close and open with each other but never really saw each other outside of work. Both of us are very career oriented and other aspects of our lives may get neglected. Over the five years we have seen each other through many different changes in our lives and have been supportive of another. We had worked closely together for many years. Our current job responsibilities now do not us working together much.

Rather long story short during a holiday weekend several months ago we ended up spending several days together during which we ended up sleeping together. I have never been involved with or dated anyone else in my life and she knew this. I never really had a male role model/parent figure in my life and had a rather turbolent schooling.

I knew prior to the weekend she has had several failed relationships in her life and I knew she preferred being single. She never really discusses her feelings concerning anyone. In our discussions after we slept together she brought up her ex-fiancé from several years prior to when I met her as an example of a failed relationship of hers; she never mentions her feelings over the relationship or towards her ex-fiancé. She indicated her preference for us to remain friends though she never mentioned how she felt about me. I do know she cares about my well being. Over the next several weeks I continued to push the subject and was initially a little aggressive in trying to force her to define where our friendship was going; I stopped doing so as it was serving no purpose.

I do love her and have told her that I do care about her. We do occasionally still go out to lunch or dinner and see each other at work. Both of us avoid discussing our friendship. I do enjoy her company and will occasionally do something nice for her, I like getting a smile or laugh out of her. I find myself still thinking of her often though-out the day but have been trying my best to give her the space she desires.

[dizi]

You say that she said that she would prefer that you stay friends and never mentioned her feelings about you, and that you continued to aggressively push the subject to know where the friendship was going, but she wasn't budging...And she says she prefers being single...

You work with her occasionally, you say? Having a relationship in the workplace is difficult. She may be reluctant to start something and then have it go sour. Is she someone you can call on the phone and talk to anytime?

You sound like a sweet person. You might start by asking her if she feels that what happened between you was a mistake-of course at the risk of getting hurt, but you will most likely get a straight answer. If she says no, would you be able to take the initiative and tell her how you feel? If she says yes, can you handle hearing why? Did she ask you for space??

We all know deep down that sleeping together is meant for AFTER you are in a committed relationship. It's hard to do though! But there's a reason for it...you KNOW where you stand with the other person. I'm really tired and don't feel that I've helped much, but I do wish you luck in finding the truth so that you can either pursue a relationship with her or start the dreaded process of moving on...

dizi