Post-breakup confusion

ltomlinson81 · 14th September 2004, 12:04 PM

My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me. He and I just broke up and moved into separate apartments. I had decided that I was hurt and did not know if or when I could forgive him.

Now I am feeling sad and alone, and I can't help but looking forward to the day when he and I can get back together. I want to forgive him and I want him to change. I know that this is a terrible way to look at this breakup, but we have been together for so long and have agreed to be on speaking terms, which has confused the situation.

Please tell me if I should cut all ties for a while, stay friends, or just ignore him and let him come to me.

WantanS4 · 14th September 2004, 12:08 PM

is to do nothing...... wait it out a while... take some time for yourself.

Splatty · 15th September 2004, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Please tell me if I should cut all ties for a while, stay friends, or just ignore him and let him come to me.

There is no right or wrong answer.
I personally would take some time and space for myself. Things get clear with time and space.

backspn · 15th September 2004, 12:59 AM

I think you are being strong....good for you!! Give it time....you need to heal. He will have to show you through actions....NOT words that he is truly sorry and is sincere. I personally would never take anyone back who slept with another. Once a cheater...always a cheater. But thats just me. Whatever you decide...stick with it. Make him suffer and rebuild your trust in men...we are not all like him. Make him sweat this out....its the least you can do since he broke YOUR heart. Its not your fault he cheated on you!!!! Remember that. Good luck.

netrie · 16th September 2004, 2:37 PM

I agree. Take the time out for yourself. But NO ONE can tell you what you must do. Remember that there are always many factors involved into why someone cheated or not. Find out the facts before you burn him at stake. No one is perfect and if we only commit to the "person" only then we will surely fail. I am not condoning his behavior, I just believe that LOVE can make mistakes too.

Give it time, and if you are up to it, contact him to see what is going on. Or you can wait it out--but frankly, life is too short.

Stay quiet for awhile and the best action will come to you

Netalia

ltomlinson81 · 16th September 2004, 5:08 PM

I agree. I have resolved to live life one day at a time. If I feel like calling or emailing or stopping by his place, I will. If not, I won't. I am living life for me from now on. I lived it for him for too long. While I do not hate him in any way, I am still very mad, hurt, frustrated and confused. But time away, without making any rules, will help me through those emotions.

Thanks for all of the great advice!

WantanS4 · 16th September 2004, 5:23 PM

ltomlinson81,

Just keep in mind.... don't do anything that he would object too. I know if she came around, and was HONEST about what she's done... if there was something in there that I could not swallow.. there would be no chance between us.

Don't be stupid. If you love him... FORGIVE him..... and work it out. Your only making it harder on yourself in the long run.... yeah that seems like bad advice... but remember...... you by leaving have managed to nuke the trust there was.

So it's a tough decision.... but I would look at things for what they are. If your willing/wanting to be COMPLETELY honest... and that's what you want... then you have to be all the time... and youhave to have a conscience of what your doing. Cause if your not.. then you don't love him.

REMEMBER EVERBODY... 2 WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT!!

ltomlinson81 · 16th September 2004, 5:40 PM

Your post is kind of confusing.

He cheated, not me. He broke the trust. I have no obligations at this point, but to take him back only if I want to.

backspn · 16th September 2004, 9:51 PM

You cant take him back just yet. I am a guy and I know if you take him back now then he will know he has you and can do it again. He has to feel like he could lose you. Fear and love will keep him honest in the future. Take him back when your ready but not right now. He's not going anywhere and if he does then he wasnt meant to be for you....from a guy's perspective

Splatty · 16th September 2004, 11:58 PM

Quote:

You cant take him back just yet. I am a guy and I know if you take him back now then he will know he has you and can do it again. He has to feel like he could lose you. Fear and love will keep him honest in the future. Take him back when your ready but not right now. He's not going anywhere and if he does then he wasnt meant to be for you....from a guy's perspective

As a guy.... I totally agree with the above.