[4trixie]

I've got this question...I've been hooking up with this guy for 2 years. We don't date but I got to know him first through friends. I liked him before we ever hooked up but I knew he was seriously jaded about relationships having been cheated on by a fiance. So I never pushed for anything...I wanted to get out there and date anyways. He used to not pay me much attention and wasn't ever that romantic in bed but lately he's been changing...asking me all these questions like how I feel about him, telling me that he cares about me, wanting to know what I think about various topics, blah blah blah. Oh god then he says that I'm the best thing he's got. He also said he would do anything I wanted him to do but that I just have to TELL HIM. And he keeps telling me that he's not the ******* people think he is...he just got that reputation after his bad breakup when he went wild. Now alot of guys will act like this to get you in bed...but since we've been doing that for years, it's like what's going on? Is he getting feelings for me? I've asked him what the deal is and he says he's scared. But he's tired of the bar scene. But still scared. And when we are together latley he's been all sweet. Like holding my hand, cuddling with me, etc...Like he's doing this total turn-around. Since I know he's scared....and I know I like him....how should I handle this without screwing everything up? I'm kind of a scaredy cat too about being vulnerable. So everytime he gets like this I just sort of stare oddly at him!

[faux]

Perhaps you should try talking to him again. Get more of an answer out of him than "scared". Find out what feelings he has for you, why he is "scared", and what he means about tiring of the bar scene. You need to ask specific questions and get specific answers if you want to know what is going on.

Additionally, are YOU interested in pursuing a serious relationship with this guy? It seems you are a little confused over what you want from him.

[4trixie]

I just don't want to get hurt and act all excited over him. If he wants something than cool, if he doesn't than cool too. That is my defense mechanism...it's like I'm finally getting what I wanted but now I'm scared too, of gettng hurt, etc. He's just totally changing and I like it but I don't want to blow it by acting all cold and uncaring. Like I have been doing so this is a big change for me. Some of my friends have explained that he is so jaded that if I want anything with him I'm gonna have to be the one to step up. And than they tell me that he is a good guy and really wants to settle down but he's clueless about how to go about achieving that and after what he went through, which apparently was pretty bad, he's scared to get hurt. I'm like jeez that was years ago let it go! And he hasn't dated anyone since. Since I know how hard it is for him to let someone in, the comments he has been saying and the way he has been acting are a BIG step for him. I just don't want to blow it, like if I act all aloof he'll forget about it but if I act like FINALLY! DATE ME! I'm afraid all I will see will be the back of his head as he runs for the hills.