[iceblink]

hey everyone. im new to this site because one of my good friends directed me here so i guess all i do is give the story and i guess then people will comment on it?

it all started on a saturday night. I went out clubbing with a female friend from work and she brought along 2 of her female friends. i spent most of the time with my friend and one of her friends, i didn't really pay atention to the other so i don't know how all of this turned out how it did. the club was very boring so we went to a party instead where me and the girl that i didnt pay much atention to just kinda started talking. of course me and her drank a bit and ended up on the couch just cuddling and talking. from there went to kissing, and from there to messing around. we didn't have sex but we ended up just sleeping together on the couch cuddled up. she just got out of a 10 month relationship unfortunately.

well i didn't get her number and she didn't get my number because we live 2 1/2 hours away from eachother in different cities for school. being a guy i kinda said some disrespectful comments to afew of my friends that i know i shouldn't have said. i really wanted her number though or something cause i thought she was cool and sweet and all that. it turns out that 2 days later she calls me suposedly asking about what i said about her etc... we ended up talking for 5 1/2 hours on the phone. im not a phone person at all. give me 30min and im bored and start to make excuses why i have to go.. not with her though hmm. the next day i called her and we talked for 6 hours on the phone same thing as night before. she invited me to come visit her so i did for that weekend.

it was the best time of my life! we have so much in common personality wise and i knew it from first meeting her at least on my side theres alot of chemistry both physically and mentally. we ended up having sex. i was a virgin before this. most of the other time was spent just cuddling on her bed talking or in the apartment joking around. or going to the mall or out to eat just hanging out. on my last day there we got back to the apartment to a BIG surprise... her ex bf came back to remove his things from her place. you can imagine he wasn't too happy seeing another guys clothes spread around the place. (they didnt exactly live together..spent weekends though together there and both paid for the rent) he asked me if i slept in his bed, i said yes, and he asked me "with her?" i said yes, he flipped and kicked me out so i left and waited at a gas station.

called the girls friend to get her to call her and see if i needed to call the cops or anything...i dont know why but i was scared as hell that he might flip on her because he has a REALLY bad temper. well she called me about 15min later to come get her. she was walking down the road and i picked her up. i think is about the time i realized that i actually cared about her and her feelings quite abit. we sat in a parking lot just talking about what was going on in her head and we decided to head back with me because she didn't want to be there. i took her back and spent that evening with her at my house cuddling on my couch then i took her back to her friends place to spend the night.. she said she wanted to see me tomorrow.

so next day i picked her up from her friends work and we hung out at my house and got food and stuff. we ended up laying on my couch cuddling up and "other things" then i had to go to work so her friend came and got her from there. she visited my work 3 times about..3rd time we left after i was off just to go hang out. we were driving around talking and stuff..ended up messing around while driving and im leaving the next part out but lets just say we spent that night together .. every night also we'd basicaly just cuddle up and talk till we both fall asleep...the next day she went to my school with me and i skipped my 2nd class to spend time with her till her friend could take her to the bus station. it was a really good time. we held hands almost the whole time, held eachother just looking out the window at people passing by. well we went from big kissing to pecks and stuff well doing both. and it was time for her to leave i hugged her and we kissed on the lips goodbye.. i dont know why but as soon as i walked away .. like as soon as the kiss was done.i missed her. we spent the next week talking to eachother basically every day and night from wake till sleep. i know we both missed eachother because we'd both say it at random times. or i wish you were here and things like that. and eventually on the phone we both told eachother that we like eachother. i ended up visiting her again that weekend. it was the same or better as the first time. and the "like" word and stuff was talked about alot. we hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and all of that and i know she says she's scared and all because of what happened recently. well that weekend went by. we had i think 2 problems during that 2 week time period
and both times she went from upset with me to "i could never be mad at you" in about 10min.

she says im the nicest guy she's ever met and all of that. and she doenst know where she'd be without me. and well im back in my city now and she's back in hers... we still talk for hours at a time but last night we had a long talk....she says she doesnt want anything more than friends...eventhough she does like me because she's scared that the same things will happen as last time. the affection will probably not stop according to her because thats just how we are around eachother. i just dont understand why she wouldnt take the risk if she likes me....i can't visit her anymore either i thinkb ecause she doesnt want things to keep happening...but says when she's in my city we're gonna go drinking and stuff just me and her...heh gee i wonder where that would lead!!*sarcasm* well she knows i really dont want to be her friend because i have enough of them..but id rather her be in my life some how..so got her to go from "we'll never get together even if we both like eachother" to "i can't promise anything" and heh i guess if me and her are both single at 27 we're getting married LOL....it was her idea! *sigh* this crap is taking it's toll on me...i was living the single life before i met her not caring much about anything... dating around etc.... and then i meet her and she takes me out of that mindframe and into one where i care more about somebody than i ever have before and i just dont know what to do or make of this. if we really like eachother...why just friendship...why not take the risk to take it to the next level...even though i know she wants to be single at the moment since her last relationship....it doesnt feel like rebound at all and i dont think it is..because ive been rebound before...well give me advice or w/e im just rambling on now..bye

[Ilovehertodeath]

Long post but very very interesting........ from reading your post I now have proof that women are all the same little ego vampire bitches. Her ego is BOOSTING while yours is DROPPING.

[Merin]

Ugh! That sucks!

From what you've said, it seems that she is still hung up on the ex. I could be wrong, but that is the impression I have.

You had been a virgin up to this point right? Now you meet this girl and you like her, she is attractive and the two of you seem to have a lot in common. So one thing leads to another.....

I really do believe that some ppl can and do have sex without ANY outside feelings for another person, but I also believe that some ppl become a lot more attached to that other person once things become intimate. I think that is part of what happened in your case here.

What can you do now? Well, because it kind of seems like she is running some mind games here, it is a matter of understanding what game exactly she is running? You said her ex bf is a jerk, sounds like he is the kind of person who is like a bull in a china closet you know? She was with him for a pretty long time and he even was still accepted at her home. To me that is a big red flag!

She keeps telling you how "nice" you are, and don't get me wrong here, i'm willing to bet you are nice, but it doesn't seem she likes "nice" and believe me when I tell you there are a whole lot of guys/girls that say they want someone "nice" but once they find someone nice, they are out there still persuing someone who is a jackass.

So what to do now? You have a few options. You can just accept a friendship, you can pour out your heart to her (but I don't recommend it) OR you can kinda play this game with her by not being so available to her and keeping it collected, know what i'm saying? Games that ppl play suck for real, but if you keep on letting a player dictate the rules and then change them, you will never win.

[iceblink]

some of what you're saying may be correct....thing is.. the sex doesnt matter to me at all..it woulda been exactly the same thing... she doesnt want to have anything to do with the ex... she cares about him but really isnt caught up on him. and when he dropped by..it was a "surprise visit" she didnt know he'd be there... and she left with me.. not with him heh

[iceblink]

it's hard to put all the feelings and every little detail that happens on a forum post hrmph ... so ill just respond to peoples comments etc... but thats just the basics that i typed u know

[Conqueror224]

This is what i am seeing from this. She is afraid of going to far to soon. How much time has it been since you met her? Some people actually meet someone and then get married within a matter of weeks and then they're like oh **** what did I do. So she just got out of a long relationship and now she is probably scared something big might happen before she is ready.

What I suggest is just being friends with her for about 2 months (atleast a month and a half) then tell her about how you have been feeling and she should be willing to go "out with" you. And if she says she still just wants to be friends then she just doesn't want anything to do with you so you should be friends or forget about her as best as possible.

The last thing you could do is call her up and tell her all of your feelings now but they is risky. If you really do care about her as much as you said then you should go and do this. It is smartest to do this in person (i know from experience).

That is my advice hopefully everything shall work out between you and her. Good Luck!