[storywizard]

Hello,
I am married,54, my partner has a 37 year old daughter, who has a PHD and who is currently living with us, for an indifinite time. This young woman has a personality which I find hard to take, she is quite loud and likes to lecture everyone on everything. Her mother dotes on her, my wife raised her two kids as a single parent after leaving the father of the children.

I think she somehow feels guilty for the fact that her daughter has not married, and has made a mess of her career. I am stuck in the middle of this mess, I cannot bring the subject of houshold duties, room and board , length of stay up at all, all I get is I don't want to talk about this now... I am a man who chose not to have children, I grew up in an alchoholic family, I did not think I would ever have to deal with this, it is like a bad dream, and I dont know where to turn....any ideas????
Stephen

[uriel]

You need to find some way to talk with your wife about this. If you can't do it on your own, ask her to go to couples counseling together so that a professional can help you sort out your living arrangements.

-- uriel

[Papillon]

Who does the house belong to? If it belongs to your partner, then all you can do is discuss your concerns it with her, and hope that she takes it further with her daughter.

Now, if it's your digs, then YOU make the rules. The little parasite is almost 40, and has to realise that SHE has to fit in with YOUR arrangements, for godssakes.

[uriel]

I don't think it's as cut and dried as Papillon suggests. You're married and share a home. Your wife feels an emotional obligation to her daughter. However, it's not unreasonable of you to live with just the two of you together. That will mean helping the daughter to find a stable situation of her own -- out of love and respect for your wife. Even if she's not readily employable in the academic sphere, there are plenty of professional positions for which she no doubt qualifies.

-- uriel

[storywizard]

Hello, thanks for the replies. The house belongs to my wife, although she says it is 'ours'. It is a difficult situation, I think I need to meet with some one and discuss my feelings, there does not seem to be an understanding that I feel overwhelmed by the daughters presence, all they do is try harder, which makes it worse...well thanks again,

Stephen

[Elmo]

Hey Stephen...

You need to bring a third (fourth? ha ha) party in.

If it is your wife's house and she feels guilty about her adult baby....You are outnumbered.

Go to counseling. You need someone neutral to tell your wife to cut the cord with her daughter.

Or...maybe you have some problems that need to be addressed. I don't think it's you, from your msgs....still....you seem to have an open mind. Go to couples counseling. If your wife won't...you should go alone. It NEVER hurts!

Take care. That sounds stressful! My now 19 year old dear step daughter drove me to tear my hair out. But we are good friends now. I'm still in shock over that! LOL