[D]

[color=indigo][/color] My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months now, we have been living together for 3 months. When I met him I was 19 I am now 20 and have just lost my virginity to him about a month ago, he is 26. Well when we were living seperately I had gone into his computer out of curiousity and found that he had a large amount of pornographic material on his computer, I confronted him, he of course was angry that I snooped, and he had said most of it was from before we met which i let slide. He then had told me that if we were to eventually live together he would never "disrespect me by having it in our home." We moved on from there then last night my best girlfriend had told me she had found porn on her and her husbands computer, which sparked me again. I figured I would look on his new computer and find nothing since he had told me he wouldn't have it in our house, well I was shocked to find more porn. When he got home we got into a huge fight and he blurted out " I'm addicted to porn I like to masterbate, OK!" I was so hurt by this. I told him he made me sick, and that i was leaving. He wouldn't let me leave he was very apologetic and said he couldn't help it and so I called my mom. I burst into tears and told my mom how much it hurt me and how I wanted to move back in with my parents, she understood but told me I should try to work it out first, he was in the other room listening to my conversation and was crying because he hurt me so much. I was so appauled by his statement, he said he had a problem. He then began to tell me it wasn't the images of naked women but the sounds that got him off, I was so disgusted. I later accepted his apology but still am so angry and disgusted! Am I overreacting? I gave this guy my virginity and I feel like his porn habit is a slap in the face. WHAT DO I DO!?

[Mr Spock]

Read up on the countless threads on this subject. Would he rather masturbate to porn than have sex with you?

[D]

No, he would much rather have sex with me than masterbate. But he does this when I am at work, he says he's very horny, which i know but can't he wait until i get home at least?! I know its not the same but I feel like he cheated on me! I love him very much and we plan on getting married but now I feel like he is a liar, how do I know he's not cheating on me, he expects me to trust him but how can I when he promised not to have porn in our house?

[emra]

1st, a guy promising not to have porn in the house EVER? I must say, If a guy told me that, 1st, I wouldn't believe it anyway. Guys, are guys, that is how they are. Just as some women are.
Watching porn and masterbating to it, is not cheating.
Nor does it mean that it will lead to cheating.
Why would this make you so insecure? Take a good look at yourself and figure out why this upset you so much.
Everyone masturbates, whether they admit it or not they do, it is human nature. You can't take that away from someone.
Maybe, trying to be a little more open minded about the situation will help. I know you may not understand it, but, maybe try some things out. Maybe you could try watching it with him. That is a BIG turn on for the guys.
I don;t believe it is the sounds they make that turns him on, For that matter, get a cassette tape and listen to it.
You just need to relax and not take this as a person assault.
He's a guy and that is how the world is.

[painter]

if he made you a promise and then not only broke it but lied by omission ever since you have been living together.....
thets betrayal.
i personaly have no issues with pornography but i have a big problem with the person who is supposed to love you lying to you, especially for extended periods.
he can wank without the porn, trust me. he just prefers to have the porn.
he is putting his preference above your needs, and yes, because porn bugs you, you NEED to know it is not in your house.
betrayal is never ok. and dont buy the "getting upset over a small thing" story.
you are as upset as you are! to you its not a small thing and if HE THINKS its such a small thing then why cant HE go without it?

[painter]

i cant believe this bs:

"You just need to relax and not take this as a person assault.
He's a guy and that is how the world is."
"1st, a guy promising not to have porn in the house EVER? I must say, If a guy told me that, 1st, I wouldn't believe it anyway. Guys, are guys, that is how they are."
"Watching porn and masterbating to it, is not cheating."
??????????????????

WHAT!!!

i have a large porn collection. i am female and my male friends know i like porn.

be that as it may i know MANY of my guy friends who dont like porn!
(no they arnt moralistic or religious)
some people like it others dont
stop expecting guyes to just fit in with low standards, its insulting to them and arrogant of you.

as for the personal assult and cheating thing:.... it is an insult to this human being that her partner dosent think her discomfort is important enough for it to have to affect him and his self service!
this is betrayal and its doubled with a prolonged lie about the presence of porn in their home.

stop expecting guyes to just fit in with low standards, its insulting to them and arrogant of you.

[emra]

OKAY, in my defense here. I agree, he never should have told her that you would never have it in their house. And then he does,. I agree that that is pure BS. I do not believe he is trying to make it a personal attack on her about it.
I know it hurts and the feelings of "Am I not enough" come up. Those are crappy feelings and lead to a lot insecurities. As with many other things in the world.
I don't think he will ever not watch porn, because he promised and still has yet to not have it in the house.
Porn is not low standards. I don't think that at all.
Porn, like with any other things are a part of the world,
He told her he was addicted to porn/masturbating, I would take that as this, The man has a problem and needs some help?!
You are right, he had no regard to her feelings.
If she chooses to stay in this relationship, if he does not get help for this "addiction" she is going to have to deal with he likes porn. And figure out a way to try to deal with it. Because, he obviously has already shown, he is going to get what he wants regardless of how she feels. Not right, at all, but that is how I am taking this situation.
I agree you don't porn to masturbate. EVER for that matter. Yes, some like it others don't.

[painter]

i dont think pornography is low in any way
its just sad that so many people say "guyes are just like that" to anything a male does that is selfish.
i understand your point of view, i just dont handle it well when people make generalisations that are too broad.

this guy needs to get his priorities straight and realise that lying will just get in the way, even if its only a barrier in his own mind.

HE will know, and because he knows, he will be afraid of her finding out, and therefore will never open up to her completely.

the relationship has barely started and already it is tragic and damaged.

[moimeme]

Few people openly indulge in addictions. They are usually ashamed of being addicted. They are all the more so if they swear to quit something and then find they can't.

However, if you lack the desire to attempt to understand him or why he did this, then by all means, leave. People deserve partners who make efforts to understand them, particularly when they have problems, rather than throwing in the towel first thing.

If your sex life is not suffering, then you have nothing to complain about. He's not hurting you. He doesn't want those women more than you. And it is unfair to ask him to give it up forever and to threaten him to leave if he doesn't based on what you assume are his reasons for doing this rather than what the actual reasons are.

And the word, because I'm hungry and grumpy, is

MAST[color=red]U[/color]RBATE

[D]

I've decided to make our own porn so that he can masturbate to that! He thought that was a great idea. By the way I love him very much and am working through the issue, so I don't believe my relationship is "tragic and damaged" It is simply a bump in our road of everlasting love. Thank you all for you advice it is much appreciated.

[moimeme]

Any solution to a couple's problem cannot be dictated by one partner. Is this his idea or have you told him this is how it will be? If so, rethink. You need to solve this as a team, not as master and slave.

[Grinning Maniac]

What is it with women and the porn? You complain even when it's NOT a problem. Stop it! You broads have some self-esteem issues, you know that?

Let me get this straight, D. He only beats off when you aren't home, and his desire for you is in no way eclipsed by porn. You two still have sex on a regular basis.

....

WHERE'S THE ADDICTION?!

If what you described is a legitimate porn addiction, then the majority of the male population (myself included) should really get into some sort of Masturbators Anonymous program. I seriously doubt your boyfriend even thinks he's "addicted" to porn. He probably just said that to shift the blame off of himself, thinking it'd shut you up if it was "uncontrollable", unaware that it would only cause more trouble by making you think he has a problem. Damn, this guy just can't win.

You want to know to know what to do? Ok. Here's my suggestion. Shut up and love yourself more. Porn makes you sad? Someone get me a violin. How about you try realizing your own worth as a person instead of taking the fact that your man finds other women attractive(SHOCK!) to be some sort of personal put-down. Just because we're with you doesn't mean our dicks are turned off. Stop trying to control our thoughts for God's sake. If we aren't cheating on you(and porn is NOT cheating), then get some therapy or stop your whining. If we really preferred porn stars that much, why would we be dating you? Porn stars would be a hot dating commodity wouldn't they? As far as I know...they aren't. So I'm guessing your guy isn't going to be running off with the next Jenna Jameson wannabe anytime soon. Calm the f*** down. If some girl seriously threatened to leave me because I happen to masturbate once in a while, I would laugh at her and tell her to go ahead. I wouldn't want to wait around to see what other nutty problems she pulls out of the hat.

The fact that your boyfriend enjoys the audio portion of the porn while masturbating disgusts you? Your apparent lack of self-worth disgusts me. We should grab a beer sometime. As far as the porn audio goes, guess what? I enjoy it too. If people didn't enjoy it, why do you think the porn stars would make all of those horribly exaggerated moans? Trust me, it isn't that good to them, babydoll. Can you say "Bubble Yum"?

By the way, I love the fact that you decided you were going to make porn for your boyfriend. Congratulations on your new job as judge of what your boyfriend can and cannot jerk himself off to. That's f***ing priceless. Did he really help you think of that or did you just sort of push it on him and he said "ok" so you'd shut your yap for a minute. Personally, I think that would get boring pretty fast. Wow..in addition to getting to do you whenever I please I also get pictures...which in no way compare to actually doing you.. Hooray? Listen, guys like a bit of variety in their wankage. You're taking the pornstar thing a little too personally. Even if he was banging a pornstar instead of being with you, I'd be willing to bet my left testicle that he wouldn't be whacking it to pictures of the girl as well. He's doing her. Why does he need pictures of her too? What sense does that make? That's like me playing Halo on Xbox, but for some inexplicable reason looking at Halo screenshots in a magazine as well when I'm not at home playing. That's stupid. I want to see pictures of what other games are out...and that doesn't mean that I'm going to necessarily buy the games either. Get the picture?

Porn is nothing but a masturbation aid. Get over it. We're not cheating on you.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

i don't like porn but i have to agree with Grinning Maniac, it's not that big of a deal. D you sound like your 8 years old

[D]

Wow guys thats kind of harsh thanks for your support! Due to my own conclusions I have decided I did overreact and maybe I was old fashioned but don't think a guy who looks at porn deserves to have sex with a beautiful girl like me, not to toot my own horn but come on I am gorgeous. Trust me I don't have low self esteem by far I know I am stunning and I know he loves me but it blew me away when I looked at the girls he was looking at they couldn't put a pimple on me a** ! believe me honey I am not 8 years old. By the way Grinning Maniac men do not NEED porn to masturbate and if you saw me you wouldn't need porn either.

[moimeme]