[srinisai]

I am recently married less than 3 months. I bought a mobile phone for my wife. I found out one message from a particular male friend that he is extremely happy now, because she has a mobile now so that they can chat. I have also found out that many messages are deleted by my wife. This male friend of my wife contacts her daily by sending messages. I also saw many emails saying that he misses my wife very much. My wife also said to me that she likes him a lot. This male friend of hers also used to take her on his bike before and have been to restaurants. She said its just friendship but nothing else. I am feeling insecured.

[uriel]

I think you've some reason to feel insecure. You should talk with your wife about how she can reassure you about the relationship, not just in word but deed. Are there some specific boundaries you'd like her to establish with her friend? Suggest ways that she can make it clear to him that her husband's feelings come first.

Don't allow her to make you feel like you are being foolishly jealous. She's given you some cause, even though it's not yet quite over the line. Would she be okay with your having such an intimate friendship with another woman? Of using the cell phone purchased to keep marital lines open (mainly) and help in emergencies become mainly used as a source of connection between you two?

-- uriel

[srinisai]

The cellphone was purchased because she works in a lonely place. So she can use it to contact me in emergency. I used to check the credit balance (Pre-Paid Phone). Since we both are in the same city, the message tariff is cheaper than sending messages to other far off cities. The phone credit balance tells me that she is sending messages out of town and I dont know whether its this particular male friend she is sending to since he lives in far away city (where she used to live before marriage). She deletes the messages sent and received by other people and keeps messages sent by me only. Before I purchased this cellphone, I lent my own cellphone. She had sent messages by my phone but said that she had used it only for receiving calls. Even she was not happy by all these questioning. So I have decided to stop asking her but still have my own doubts.

[sami]

You have every right to feel soooooo insecure. When she says she "likes him" that means she likes him. You both get something to talk about.

[uriel]

What you've just effectively said is, I believe we have a problem, but I'm not going to talk with her about it because it upsets her too much. Her defensiveness IS part of the problem. If you want this marriage to work, you're both going to have to be a lot more open about such matters.

-- uriel

[sami]

you cannot live with your BIG concerns and and those negative insecurity feelings for the rest of your life. You need to talk and take them out in a very nice way. Ignoring a problem as big as this will not let it go. It will only grow and keep growing.

[srinisai]

I talked to her uncle also that she is hiding something. But she is denying. I was hurt before. May be its my fate. One day truth will prevail.