[crash&burn]

Hi everyone,

My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago, we were together for 2.5 years. We broke up for reasons which I can't understand fully. She says things had gotten too routine and boring. She said that she wasn't ruling me out forever, just that we couldn't be together at the moment, because she doesn't know how to fix this problem and wasn't happy feeling the way she was.

I feel as though I want to start taking her out to do fun things like roller blading, picnics, the beach, etc.. but I don't want her to feel as though i'm pushing her. Also she is stressed out with uni, so I don't want to seem like a hinderance.

What do i do? I want to work things out, I feel as though she wants me as her boyfriend, just oure situation was the problem (both at uni, both living with different friends, both broke).

Can asking your ex if they still love you and miss you ruin any chance of a reconcilliation? Does her not showing me any affection anymore (i.e. hugs and kisses) mean that she doesn't love me anymore?

What do you all think?

[EnigmaXOXO]

How do you overcome this?

You can't. It's all about "attitude" and individual interpretation.

Look…there is no way after being with someone for several years that you're going to get back all those "first time" feelings. It doesn't matter how hard you try to keep someone entertained, eventually it will all become "routine."

Some people equate comfort and predictability with mundane and "boring" while others actually prefer the stability and intimacy that a long-term relationship provides absent all the drama and unpredictable emotional roller coaster rides.

The trick is discovering which kind of relationships you prefer, and often, it requires testing the waters a bit to figure out what works best for you. You're either good at sustaining long-term relationships…or not.

Anyone who bores easily or fears being "tied down" for too long is not a good bet for a committed life mate. Often, it can be due to youth or inexperience. Unfortunately, they (and you) will have to invest some time before determining what kind of relationship you are most comfortable in. It sounds as if your girlfriend is still trying to figure that one out for herself. Which is why she wants to explore her options while keeping Mr. "Comfortable" (you) waiting in the wings as backup just in case she doesn't find the grass any greener on the other side.

Nope. It's not fair to you…but only YOU can decide whether or not to play the good 'ol fallback guy. We teach people how to treat us, and people will only do to you what you permit them to do.