[soccorsilly]

My girlfriend's daughter (9) spent the summer with her father and his new girlfriend and just returned home to her mom (my gf).

When her father brought her home, he made this big deal about his girlfriend taking his daughter bra shopping and then proceeded to pull out all these underwire bras that were bought for this 9 year old. Now she is in no way mature enough physically to need a bra. While dad was pulling them out, the daughter was mortified as was my gf.

Another incident was that the ex and his new girl knew my gf was moving and they sent the daughter a complete bathroom set (towels, shower curtain, trash can...) to decorate the bathroom in s duck motif which my gf had already done.

My advice was to return the bathroom stuff to Target and write a thank you note saying that you appreciate the thought but had already decorated the bathroom and decided to let the daughter pick out something else special for her room instead.

As for the bras, I suggested that she mail them back and enclose a note saying that she is no where near ready for a bra and that is really one of the mother daughter rites of passage and that his girlfriend (perhaps well intentioned) should really allow those decisions to be made by the mom. After all it is only for the summer and those things do NOT grow THAT big overnight!

Do you all think I was on the mark with the advice or is there something else that might have been said?

[moimeme]

I think the gf was trying to bond with the daughter, albeit clumsily, and that it was mean-spirited to reject her gifts and efforts.

[RowanRavyn]

While I agree with Moi that the GF was trying to bond and that it was a clumsy effort on her part, I would also say that Dad needs a slap in the face. While its great to be open, its disturbing to be proud of your daughters underwear that way. Maybe the GF needs to take Dad shopping instead.

Meow. I know Catty.

Your GF might think through those special mother daughter moments that will come in the future, and talk to her daughter about how she would like to share those with her. IE Bra shopping, ear piercing, lip gloss, first heels etc. They should decide together what they are willing to share with Dads SO. This empowers the daughter to not get caught in a loop of taking sides. Perhaps there are other things the GF and she can share. Step parents can be great tools for a child's growth IF everyone works together and on the same page.

The key is to keep all the adults working together without putting a burden on the daughter.

[onehotmamafromMI]

I completely agree with Rowan and will even use that advise with my own daughter in regards to her Dad and his GF.
I have been in a similar situation with my ex and his son one summer (not my daughters father). He was staying with us for a few weeks and had his first wet-dream and his dad was gone on business for 4 days. He was way to embaressed to talk to me about it so I called his mom. she was able to talk with him later that day and he felt alot better about it. After that very strange day of ignoring me I told him that he could come to me or call his mom anytime he needed to. Our relationship improved, I got along great with his mom, and even his parents got along better.
My point is that communication is the key no matter what the situation is. If a child can't talk to a new person in their parents life, then they need to know that their parents can CALMLY and RATIONALLY talk about it.

[littleflowerpot]

i definitely think it's a mother's place to go bra shopping (when it's appropriate and not at 9 if she's not ready for it) and the gf overstepped some boundaries and she should have known better. however, some people are dense so i'd give the benefit of the doubt and return the bras with a nice but simple note saying that your gf appreciates the gift but feels daughter is too young for such a gift and that mom thinks it's a mother/daughter thing to buy a girl's first bra. on the towel set, i'd just let that slide. towels are just towels.