[smile95]

I am being emotionally abused and he does not even realize it I think. I want so much to walk away and cannot. He always talks to me and convinces me to stay. Right now he is giving me the silent treatment and does this to hurt me and punish me. I did nothing wrong. I have called him and emailed and cried and he will not contact me. I want out. I need out and deserve better. Are their really guys out there that can love me the way I deserve? I am scared he is my lonly choice.

[moimeme]

You need to learn to live happily without having to have a man around. Do you not see how bad it is that you prefer to be abused than alone? The point of having a companion is to make your life more pleasant. Trust me, being alone is *much* more pleasant than being abused.

If you are so terrified of being on your own that you cling to abusive people, then it's time to get yourself to counselling because that is no sort of life to live. It's not a life at all!

[smile95]

I did start counseling a few months ago. it is not him I love, it is the thought of being happy and in love. It is a LDR, so I build him up when he is not around and then reality hits. I have never been one to HAVE to have a bf, so I am not sure why I feel this way. He an be fun and sweet, but also very hurtful. I am working on it though. I just have to believe there is someone else out there who I will meet when the time is right

[krbshappy71]

Yes its possible and yes its very hard to leave. Things have to get to a certain point before you probably feel strong enough to leave. After my last mess I took three years off from men completely. I started to build male friendships that were not going to go past the friendship level. This helped me see there were some really good guys out there. I finally made the decision to date again and I found myself VERY suspicious of any red flags the guys may have that reminded me of the last relationship.

Keep your eyes wide open and you can protect yourself from falling into this again. I'm with someone now that I finally believe is the "nice guy fantasy" I kept hearing about. There is also a list of "red flags" to look for if you search for websites that talk about abuse and their signs. This helped. The people doing this do not start out flat-out abusing. It starts so subtle sometimes you don't realize it until you are in the middle of one.

Take care of yourself, there is only one you and so many good guys out there to choose from, don't settle for less in this life for yourself. Hugs.

[moimeme]

I just have to believe there is someone else out there who I will meet when the time is right

Not only is there, but you might miss out on him altogether if you don't ditch the other guy and be available right away.

Anyway, the fact remains that even if every other male on the planet mysteriously died and this one wa your only choice, he's still a jerk and bad for you

[smile95]

Thanks! I know there are great guys out there. I have many friends that are guys who actaully care about me more than he ever did. About red flags...I am really keeping my eyes open. I ignored them before and thought nothing about it...now I know. It is just hard to finally let go. Ilove him. But it would be nice to feel loved in return and not just hear the words.

[smile95]

that is true. I am not even sure what it is I will miss about him. All I did was worry about where he was and when or if he would call. I could get a bum off the street to call me and see me more than he did!

[Matilda]

My first husband went from emotionally abusive when we were dating, to physically abusive when we were married. I agree with krbshappy71 that things start out subtly, and then you realize you are in a big mess, and are not sure how to get out of it. I also agree with her that things get to a certain point, and then you leave.

I think your point should be now. It has been my experience that things do not get better in these situations, only worse.

I have been married to my 2nd husband for 10 years now. He is a calm and rational man, who treats me well, and is a great father.

There is a life out there for you, but you will have to get rid of this jerk to find it. Be strong for yourself. You can do this, you are already taking the first steps.

[smile95]

thanks...I guess my 1st red flag should have been him telling me way back that his wife put in the divorce papers that he was emotionally abusive...and I was like"oh my God, how could she say that about you" and then his true colors came out and I am like "Oh my God, I totally see this now!"...I guess those things do not suddenly change right? I am at a point where I have to leave...silent treatment for 4 wks!!! I need to get out.thanks.

[2ndgenrationOW]

i was with a guy who started out just like this we were he went on th do far worse things i never told anyone i just let it happen and it went on for over a year before the first time he hit me at that point i left but i always went back. i was in high school at the time and everyone saw what was going on and no one did anything to help me

after i graduated he left town for a month and that helped me so much cause even thaw i was in therapy i still was not away from him after he came back i went back thinking maybe he might have changed but i was wrong they never change

i left him the last time almost 2 years ago and we had been together for 2 years before that i have never looked back. i told everyone i knew about it after the last time i left so they would not want me around him and that worked for me i am so much happier and i do want to thank him cause with out him i would never have found out how strong i am or figured out that i want to be a cop tp help other women out of bad things like this

when you are ready to leave you will know it and you just have to not look back again
good luck and keep us posted on what you do

[Pocky]

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost a year. I moved with him to another country before realizing who he really was. It was very difficult for me to get away because every time I would mention that I didn't think the way he was treating me was right he'd convince me it was my fault and that I wouldn't be happy with anyone else. Although he never hit me, he was violent in the home and would often appear to be ready to strike me.

One day I woke up and realized that I was worth more than this and even if I were to be alone for the rest of my life at least I wouldn't be scared to death and looking over my shoulder all the time. I was loaned money for a plane ticket (I wasn't working and completely dependent on him) and left two days after telling him I already had a ticket.

I never regretted it, I never looked back and I'm so glad I left when I did.

[smile95]

I have been miserable for 1.5 yrs/2 yrs. I want out and every night i prayed for strength. He started this silent treatment a month a go and has not talked to me since. He is going thry a divorce and is stressed and i guess he does not want to talk to me. I chase him to talk because i get afraid we are done, but deep down i want out....makes no sense i know? Well he knows i love him and i make that clear and likes me chasing him. I really hope i can leave and not look back. How do i fught the urge to call him -it scares me to think that i will never talk to him again. I have no self esteem anymore. He will call me wheni stop for a while because he likes to know i am there, but does not like to talk to me about his problems and when i want to talk about things...he says "we are fine" . He also turns stuff around on me sdo i end up saying sorry for things he did???? How did i get to this point. I really hope i cn do this. I cry everyday and it is to the point where I am seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. How can i love a man who does this? I am lost. Somedays I just do all io can to get to my car after work and just cry the whole ride home. Everytime i try and contact, i get hurt more when he ignores me. Thanks for letting me vent. I need out and i know i deserve better and i HOPE that this is not what love feels like. I should have seen red flags when the wife put he was emotionally abusive in the div papers! He justified it and i fell for that too!!! One day i bet he will call me when he realizes i am for real this time. I have said i was done soooo many times, he will not even think twice this time. thank you

[Mel888]

There is no excuse for emotional abuse, it is just as bad as physical abuse. Yes I have been in a realtionship that I got out of and stayed out of. It is very hard, but you can do it and just remember that you do deserve better and he's not the last man on earth. Sometimes it seems that no one else will take you, but that's not true. Screw this guy and move on. The abuse will take you down in time and you may never be able to recover. I have been away from my ex for almost 7 years and I'm still recovering. Take care and good luck.

[smile95]

Is it normal for me to lose my self esteem when in an emotionally abusive relationship? WOuld this be abuse? Silent treatment, telling me things that he knows hurts me, letting me down and breaking promises, telling me we are fine when we are not, making me take the blame and apologize for stuff he did just to get him to talk to me again??? I am an attractive girl I have been told by many, but he makes me feel so unwanted that I feel I will never find another. He still has not called me in a month since he is going thru a divorce and stress at work , he feels that he needs time I guess. He ignores all my attmepts to call him. ALL

[2ndgenrationOW]

with out a doubt that is abuse and he just wants you to wait till he wants to talk to you forget that you sound like nice person i been there done all this and this is the perfect time to move on and get away from him before he hurts you more

it starts out with just verbal but once he knows you will stay it will keep on going till he does something a lot worse