[evergreatful]

Hi everyone. Thanks for reading I really need the help..this might get long.

My girlfriend and I have been having problems since April 04'. Togeher 2 1/2 years. We are both 21 and in college. I actually broke it off once in June but then quickly we got back together to work it out. Well I didn't feel like things were going to change so I ended it again Monday night. Well after not sleeping Monday night I went to work only to have a mental breakdown and need to leave. After leaving I drove to the beach were we used to go at night and sat on the lifeguards chair where we used to sit and just cried hystarically. Anyway then I called her and basically got no sympathy (not that I deserved any). She is happy now and says this is for the best. This is awful. I am misserable without her but things wern't feeling right when I was with her.

I'll explain the problems now to help put things in better perspective. During April, May, and June she started becoming VERY close with another guy. I had expressed my discomfort from the beginning with a large lack of understanding on her end. Anyway the closer they got the more upset I got which "pushed her away." Anyway I went away for a weekend with my father and on my way home I find out that she slept over his house and got high. But they are "only best friends." When I showed that I was upset she didn't seem to care so I lost it and said I can't do this anymore. She was DEVISTATED. So I took her back hoping things would get better. Just to add we have talked about marriage, kids, and the whole nine yards.

Thoughout the summer, things were allright. We had our moments. But, she started acting different, almost rebelling. She got her tounge pierced got another tattoo, and started getting high. I have two small tattoos but I am not the biggest fan of them and I certainly don't like body jewlery or drugs (other than beer). This all was a HUGE turn off. Again I told her how I felt and she got very defensive. Moving on. Two weekends ago we had a fight and I had to just leave her house and calm down for the night. I said I would return tomorrow. She got very upset by this. I felt bad so I sent her a nice letter and invited her to dinner this past Friday. She accepted. Well on Wednesday there was a small fight on the phone and she said she didn't want to see me Friday and she wanted to be alone. Guess what she did? She went out with her guy friend and told me she wanted to go away with him and his friends to Philly for a weekend.

Anyway I was pissed but I pushed in inside. I kept calm and went to see her Saturday and we took a drive to the beach. It was on and off all day with us. She came back and spent the night at my place. Again somewhat on and off. Sunday morning was pretty good, we made plans to go to New York in a few weeks. But in the afternoon we saw my mother and my gf was very rude...see my previous post for that issue http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t45662/. Anyway at that point I had just had it with ALL of the BS and ended it.

Ok now I am totally sad and despressed and misserable. I have done everything with this girl for over two years. When I say everything I mean everything. We were attached at the hip. I honestly thought I would marry her. We share all of the same interests, views, etc. I don't think I will ever meet anyone like that again. She was in love with me. I questioned the guy friend and she said they were only just friends. Maybe true but it still made me VERY uncomfortable. I have no idea what to do now. I feel beyond empty inside. If I could just crawl into a hole for the rest of my life I would do it. I love her so much but I could NOT get negative feelings out of my head this summer. I started to think it might not work in the end. I am going CRAZY!!! Someone please give me some insight.

Any thoughts???