I'm Dating an Older Man - Is it Socially Acceptable?

shortymd11 · 4th August 2004, 6:01 PM

Hey guys, I'm here askin' for your advice!

I am dating a man 15 years older than I am. I am only 18. He doesn't think it will work because of our age difference, but we have been with each other since March.

What do you guys think? Is it O.K.?

He doesn't think it is socially acceptable!

Please help.

adarkcloud · 4th August 2004, 6:05 PM

Im 16 and I'm with a 24 year old man. My sister was 17 when she met her 24 year old bf she has been with for 3 years. My mom was 19 when she married my 33 year old dad. (divorced 10 years later) It is a lot more socially excepted now then is has been in the past. If he doesn't think it is going to work out, If he is having doubts, maybe you should take that into account. If you two are totally head over heals for eachother, talk about it, If your parents know, is family knows, and everyone see's how much you two care about eachother, there should be no reason why it wouldnt work like a normal relationship. just my .02.

honey2005 · 4th August 2004, 6:07 PM

If you really love him it shouldn't matter if it's socially acceptable or not.

wildturkey · 4th August 2004, 6:44 PM

It is ok. Is he in love with you? Should not bother him.

shortymd11 · 4th August 2004, 8:14 PM

Well we talked about whether he loved me or not last night and he cares a lot about me and he says if he was my age he would probably love me and that he loves the way i treat him and loves my heart but my age bothers him because he doesnt think that i've had enough experience. I told him that he is the best i've found but he doesn't know if i've look for the best long enough

adarkcloud · 4th August 2004, 9:23 PM

he doesn't sound very sure of the relation ship. My boyfriend and I talked about this last night also (odd huh) haha, and he didn't say that really, he just said that because I am younger, and have never "been in love" and thats the direction we are heading in, he pretty much just said this could be my 1st real love, and that it'll be an interesting road ahead lol. He isn't going to kick me to the curb in fear that Im going to grow up and realize there is much more out there, because I already know there is much more out there, but I want him. If he sounds so unsure about it, becareful, You might end up getting hurt

shortymd11 · 5th August 2004, 3:02 AM

he wants me to see whats out there and i also know there might be better things out there but i also just want him but his uncle married a younger girl and shleft him so i think hes scared

wildturkey · 5th August 2004, 6:48 AM

If your relationship is not heading in the direction you want and its course will not change move on. Start desengaging and prepare yourself to start over with someone else. Time is on your side.

myownme · 5th August 2004, 9:45 AM

I dated a man that was 49 when I was 24 and we dated for 2 years. I know that sounds completely off the wall, he was (and still is) double my age! He had to move away due to work and I wasnt able to go with him :-( but to this day we would still be together. We were planning on getting married, for the love, his kids were my age! LOL It is completely acceptable these days. The people that took the time to get to know us as a couple remained our friends and thought we were the "perfect" couple despite our age differece.

Leikela · 5th August 2004, 10:04 AM

I briefly dated a guy 13 years my senior when I was 26 (I'm 28 now) and it's definitely "acceptable" in this day and age but that shouldn't be your #1 concern. It didn't work for me because we really had nothing in common. We played on the same softball team, but he had 3 little kids and the age gap showed a lot.

That was me at 26 and I cannot fathom what you have in common with a man who's 33 when you're only 18? You seriously have your whole growing up stage to go through still. He's already done that. At 18 you should be going out with your friends, partying, and seeing what's out there and seeing what's right for you. At 18 we all feel like we know what we want, but that will change when you hit your early 20's. Are you going to go to college? If so, that will change you a lot as well and opens up doors to many different experiences.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do but merely giving some life experience advice. Your boyfriend is right to have concerns. You both are in different stages of life and you're just about to go through the young adult/growing up stage. You won't be the same person at 24.

Pocky · 5th August 2004, 10:12 AM

I dated a man 25 years older than me and the age difference bothered me a lot. I would get stares all the time in public since when I was 25 I really looked about 18. I couldn't handle the attention our age difference caused and I often found myself worrying about what would happen as he aged and I would have to take care of him when I would still be in my prime. It was just too much for me and I ended the relationship.

morrigan · 5th August 2004, 11:53 AM

Do you have a lot in common? Do you both agree on general lifestyles and priorities? Are both of your families fine with this relationship, or is there some dissention? It's acceptable for anyone at the age of eighteen to date whom they want. But even if your bf was 18 like you, I'd still tell you to have fun but take your time--things change, and your interests and needs out of life may differ from your bf's in only a couple of years.

Eighteen is pretty young, a lot of people your age are still thinking about where they want to head with their lives--education, job, relationships. Thirty-three isn't elderly, but generally speaking, a lot of people at that age have already made decisions in careers, marriage/kids and their basic living situation. If the relationship is really going to work long term, you'd probably have to be a pretty independent, mature, confident 18 (not me at that age!) or he's going to be a fully single, rather undecisive 33. In any case, there may be problems if either one of you becomes that uncomfortable with what other people think socially about your age difference.

It's just my opinion, but I do wish you good luck.

HoldOn · 5th August 2004, 12:13 PM

Yes, it's acceptable, but I wouldn't recommend it.

As a young person, you really don't know how much you are going to mature. There is a lot to think about. Even as you get older the age difference is still huge. When you are 60, he's going to be 75...still a huge difference. His sexual desires will never match yours. You might end up changing his diaper. How much can you really have in common?

I dated a man 8 years older, and believe me, it does make a difference!

PLus the fact that HE is not sure about you. That is more important than the age difference! He doesn't sound like he's into you and he doesn't sound like he is really willing to continue this relationship.

shortymd11 · 5th August 2004, 12:19 PM

At least for me when we are together it doesn't really feel like there is an age but i do look younger than I am and he is scared that if I'm there all the time that ppl that come over will be like "who's that kid?" i dunno he makes me happy and he says hes happy bein with me but hes still not to comfortable with what people think. he thinks that i will affect how he does at work. and he is also worried that if i'm with him and something happens to him that financially i can't take care of us and he's totally right he makes way more than me but in every other way i can take care of him.

HoldOn · 5th August 2004, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shortymd11
but in every other way i can take care of him.

I bet you can! LOL.

Just kidding. He obviously has a lot of worries about this. I am 27, if one of my guy friends started dating an 18-year-old, I would think it is disgusting. No offense, but that is what many people will think. His family especially will be a little grossed out.

Your bf is not willing to put up with the age difference and that is all that matters. So accept his decision and find someone closer to your age. Don't worry, it'll all work out!