Needing space or being a jerk?

snilljente · 3rd August 2004, 5:40 PM

When a man you are dating says he needs space, how long should you give him? Is it ok for him to not respond to your messages for days...is this part of him going into his "cave" or should it be seen as unexceptable behavior?

Pained · 3rd August 2004, 5:42 PM

You should give him as long as he needs. In other words, find your own things to do. Don't call him. Try not to even think about him. Focus on yourself, and if he comes back within the amount of time that you're still willing to date him, then proceed. If not, then you're already on your way to building your own life.

HoldOn · 3rd August 2004, 5:45 PM

If a guy (or girl) asks for space, then you give them enough space to go to the moon and back again. It's your cue to disappear from the face of the earth. Don't call, don't e-mail, don't ask him out.

In the meantime, get busy with your own life and maybe even go out on a date or two.

When (and if) they call you, then you decide whether YOU want to take them back or not. You can decide whether this person is really worth your time and attention. Especially when they can just leave you at the drop of a hat.

snilljente · 3rd August 2004, 5:48 PM

You're right...but it's one thing to say it and much harder to do

...I mean this man was so great and then BAM...he needs space to deal with a stressful situation in his life....I have to admit, I have not gone a day without messaging him in some way (phone, text, etc...), but today I sent a mess stating that I am letting go because he is giving me nothing to hold on to and maybe we will have a second chance one day, maybe not....I told him that I am here for him should he decide to let the wall down and let me support him....too sappy? I PROMISE not to message him again...but he was a catch....why do men have to be so damn complicated!

snilljente · 3rd August 2004, 5:51 PM

In his defense, it was not just at the drop of a hat...he has been dealing with legal issues that came to an ugly head right before he said he needed space and time to just get through stuff.....I honestly don't think it has anything to do with me (still hurts), but then again, would I want to be with someone who runs when things get tough....Ugh!