Dating Separated MM 2years, he wants to buy house w/me,but stil married!

sara1974 · 30th July 2004, 7:23 PM

NEED ADVISE: I've been dating a separated man for almost 2 years. We even live together with his three children and we all get along fine. I've even met his estranged wife a few times. The problem is he's been telling me from day 1 that they will be filing the divorce soon, yet 2 years later, no divorce. He tells me they will file once they work out their finances and custody of their children. Yesterday He asked me if I wanted to buy a house with him after our lease is up. I don't know if that would be the best idea since he stil hasn't filed his divorce yet. What should I do? Shoudl we buy a house together even through the divorce isnt finalized or should I wait?? Please Help

supermom · 30th July 2004, 8:02 PM

I wouldn't until he's divorced, or have him only put it in his name, so that way if something happens, you can just walk away.

shamen · 31st July 2004, 11:36 AM

I agree with supermom.

brashgal · 31st July 2004, 11:45 AM

You post your location as n/a but it really is applicable since laws vary state to state, country to country - I'd talk to a lawyer to determine what claim the TBXwife would have should you buy a house together. And if he decides to buy it only in his name before straightening out his finances, I certainly would not want to contribute to paying mortgage, taxes etc - you'd walk away all right but with absolutely nothing.

Is he legally separated? That probably makes a difference too. Just don't go into this blindly.

31st July 2004, 11:57 AM

What is taking them so long to sort out the issues with money and children? If they haven't been able to do this in two years, what's to say they will in 10? Does the wife have another man, or does she rely on your guy (her husband) to be the man in her life?

Well, I would just put my foot down on this one. You want to buy a house? Then you get divorced so we can own a house together. Otherwise, no way.

Really, you have no secure future with this man if he is not willing to take care of the divorce. There is nothing so complicated about a divorce that they shouldn't have been able to get this rolling a long time ago if they wanted to. So what's the delay?

Craig · 31st July 2004, 1:25 PM

1. Is your BF legally separated or is he still married but not living with his wife?

2. Laws vary from state to state so CONSULT AN ATTORNEY if you decide that you want to buy a house with your BF. Buying a house could be a good financial decision to make but rather than approach the purchase of a home with your BF as a "normal" couple would you could have an attorney prepare an agreement between you and your BF that would be like a "Joint Venture Agreement" between 2 investors. Then you know that your portion or interest in the property has more protection from protracted legal disputes that arise from his divorce or if you and he split up.

3. Something else is worrisome though. How is it that after 2 years of "working" on finances and custody issues nothing has happened? What is causing the delay?

whichwayisup · 31st July 2004, 1:29 PM

My RED flags are going up bigtime here. Something isn't right. He may not be lying to you, but something just isn't good. I would be very careful and really try and get him to make a decision FAST. If he loves you and is living with you, and you guys have a life together then he should be divorcing her instead of this 'legal separation' stuff.

WWIU

sara1974 · 3rd August 2004, 10:48 PM

No they are not legally separated yet but we already live together now in an apartment with his children. (I live in Arizona so I don't know tha laws here) I agree with you guys to wait until the divorce is FINAL before we purchase a home together to protect my credit and myself. He tells me what's taking so long to file the divorce is he has finances that he is tryin to get situated first and they are still fighting for custody of the kids. I actually met his estranged wife and her boyfriend and we got along fine so I don't question that he's getting back with her. I just don't understand why he's not making there divorce a priority especially with him know how much it upsets me. Am I overreacting or should I be patient and trust that he will file it and he will not break my heart?

SoleMate · 3rd August 2004, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Am I overreacting?

No.

Quote:

should I be patient and trust that he will file it and he will not break my heart?

Up to you. If he's feeling no pain now...why would he go through the bother of a divorce? It's lots of paperwork and lawyer expenses. You're the one who has a problem with it, not him. He apparently doesn't see YOUR problems and concerns as anything HE has to worry about.

I'd be walking out of there right now if I were in your shoes.

sara1974 · 4th August 2004, 7:33 PM

he told me yesterday that he quote "sees how much it's bothering me and in order for us to have a healthy relationship he must make it a prority to get the divorce finalized". mmmm Hello?! i've been trying to get that through your head for 2 years"! is he just now getting the hint? I asked him if maybe we should see other people and he didn't like that idea. he told me the next time i ask him about it it will in done. we will see..wish me luck guys.