I'm in a relationship right now that is great. We've been together for 6 months and he's perfect. Our communication is unbelievable and the sex is the best!
Now the problem is I can't get a thought out of my head thats saying yeah this is nice but it can be better.
I just keep thinking about my ex that I broke up with 3 years ago. Now I don't want to get back with him or anything thats over but I just have never felt the way I felt when I was with him and so now after having 'super wow' I just am having trouble settling with just 'wow'.
I've dated plenty of guys after him and still I don't get that feeling in my stomache when we kiss. My current bf now has been the closest but still can't compare. What's my problem? I feel like I'm not being fair to my bf because he says I love you and how he sees all these plans in the future with me and I look into the future and it's blank. I say I love you and I mean it but I mean it like I care for you a lot. But I do care for him and have gotten really attached and want him in my life.
They say in life you only love once and if it doesn't work then you learn to love someone else.....
I think I already loved and now I have to just settle.. Does anyone else know how I'm feeling or am I going nuts..
Please reply.
I have been there. But you know what they say an ex is an ex for a reason.
Was he your first love? Because some people say there is no love like your first love. But I believe thats only because it's so innocent and you are experiencing everything for the first time.
But eventually you will meet someone that will give you those butterflies in your stomache and you will learn to love again. It happened to me. And now I love stronger and better than before and i realized that the love I had before was good only because i was feeling all those things for the first time and it was a new exciting feeling.
Dont think your cheating out your bf. If he's good to you and the communication is good and the sex is great, what do you have to worry about? It's hard to find a guy like that and to let him go so that another can snatch him up and you stay searching for an illusion or a fairytale love from the movies?
Well, I don't know about that. I would never agree to marry a man if I didn't think he was the best man in my life ever. It would be unfair to someone, IMHO, to 'settle' for him. Each of my fellows seemed great at the time - but the bar keeps getting raised. I don't get involved with fellows that I don't think will meet that line. I think the songs 'You're Simply The Best' and 'Nothing Compares To U' are great; I'd only want someone that made me feel that way (well, not the breakup bit of the latter, but you get my drift).
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Well, "they" are wrong. People can have many love affairs in their lives, each one different than the last.
Your problem is that you don't love the person you are with. And that's a shame considering he's a good guy and he loves you. But if that's not enough for you, then you are not really being fair to him are you? You are just going to end up hurting him, so you should either end it now or learn to love him.
I know I guess I'm being selfish. But what I have with him is great. He hasn't said anything about getting married or anything yet but he does mention how he can see us living together and married in the far future and that I'd be a great mom.
BUt I just don't see it right now.
Maybe it's that I'm young and I just dont see all those things right now.
And even though I dont get the butterflies with him I know he's a good guy and I dont want to let him go. I do care for him and I do want him in my life because I know no one will love me like he does or care for me like he does.
I'm just wondering if I will ever feel that way again or if like wellnowuknow said do I need to face reality and accept that he's there and he loves me and stay with him or leave him and chase a fairytale romance?
Wellnowuknow hit the nail on the head. It's not that you don't love your bf, but that you are comparing HIM to your EX. DON'T DO THAT! They are TWO different people. Was your ex your first love? Probably so, from your post. I can guanatee you that if you breakup with this one, the next guy you meet, you'll be comparing him to your most recent ex.
Enjoy what you have, and chalk the ex up to a learning experience. They are an EX for a reason. Yes you had good times, and remember those, but don't dwell on them. Focus on making good memories with the person you have. Don't live in the past. It won't get you anywhere.
You can love more than once and everytime you love it's different, because the person is different.
How many times have you heard of people who leave their significant others to chase the "fairytale romance?" Lots right? And how many times have they realized that what they were looking for, was what they had in the first place? It's like in the Wizard of Oz- Dorthy goes out looking for her hearts desire and realizes that she needn't go any further than her own backyard.
I really don't believe there is any such thing as a "fairy tale romance" because that would mean it would have to be perfect, and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship- so get that idea out of your head.
You're over-thinking this, and not letting it be "super wow" It could eventually turn into that, because real love- true, solid, committed love- is something that happens over time.
Gemini02 I was feeling the same way as the original poster. And I left him becuase I didn't feel that spark...that intense look in the eye that melts your heart and leaves you dumbfounded that you want to speak but can't.
I know you say your looking for perfect and that you can't find that because its a 'fairytale-romance" and theres no such thing.. but what if you have felt that before and it didnt work out and now you havent felt that again and scared you never will?
Your post really got me thinking and now my mind is split in two and I don't even know what to think.
What a complicated topic lol.
Thanx for giving me another side though.
And to wtfiswrongwitme lol theres nothing wrong with you as you can see your not the only one.
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The male brain is more compartmentalized than the female brain. Men can seperate things whereas women have a harder time cause their brains are all wired together in some inter-connected mish-mosh.
There's nothing wrong with you - well I hope not cos if there's something wrong with you then I've got it too...if you have a look around at any of my other posts about my situation you'll see I'm in almost the exact same frame of mind as you!!
With my ex, everything was wonderful until it ended. Like you say, we had the BIGGEST spark ever, total butterflies, the lot. Then it ended. Few months down the line, got a new boyfriend, just like the situation you have. A really good guy, who you don't want to leave...but the spark isn't quite the same, is it? When you said, "now after having 'super wow' I just am having trouble settling with just 'wow'," my god well that totally hit the nail on the head what I'm feeling.
This is a completely useless post cos I don't know what to advise you to do - if I did I'd be doing it myself. Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone. Do we give up a really good relationship to chase something that potentially could blow up in our faces....I don't know.
I'm just worried I'll never get "that" spark with my boyfriend. Sure, I get a little one....but nothing like THAT one.
Sigh!
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*If it's for you, it won't pass you by*
No, you don't settle. It's not fair to you or the settlee. You wait. And if 'superwow' doesn't come along 'till your sixties, so be it. It's a chickensh*t way to live your life to take the 'safe bet' just in case the real deal doesn't come along and you'll only end up taking it out on the settlee. Do NOT try to persuade yourself that someone will do and marry them because they have a list of good qualities. If always in your mind you're longing for the one that got away, you'll never commit fully to the 'make-do' partner.
that the reason so many "super wows" are exes is b/c humans, w/the exception of Sting , just don't have the energy to maintain that level lf intensity for life.
I'd rather be super happy w/my wow than super crazy w/my ex super wow.
Does that make sense?
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Benjamin Disraeli:
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
Yeah I don't want to be that wife stuck in a hopeless marriage.
I'm now on my journey for 'super wow" to come along.
I hope I dont have to wait till my sixties though -sheesh-
I want babies you now lol a lil boy not till like I'm in my late 20's-30
It's just scary thinking you won't feel that spark again. And it's such a tease when you feel alittle spark but its fades and your so disappointed. And the other person is like omg gaga over you and you dont know what to say.
uhhhh I want to fly away to europe and backpack and take my mind off this love thing for a while. It's stressing me out lol.
But yeah I've realized I cannot settle. What fun is that?
If you don't love them, let them go. It's better for both of you.
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And people wonder why marriages don't last. sigh.
Ditto! Personally, I think these people are expecting freaking fireworks everytime they see their bf, and life just isn't like that. Unrealistic expectations = unhappiness.
The "sparks" that you had with your ex were not real. It obviously was not a fully-developed LOVE. If you were meant to be you wouldn't have broken up. right??
Last edited by HoldOn; 2nd August 2004 at 11:28 AM.
Actually Faybelle that DOES make sense - I have to admit, that along with the SUPER-wow came super craziness, I could never concentrate and eventually it all blew up because it was just too much. So that's something to think about.
But you never remember that part of it, you just remember that feeling you had, like eternallyconfused said, "that intense look in the eye that melts your heart and leaves you dumbfounded that you want to speak but can't" I actually really had that feeling, and it was wonderful.
And to eternallyconfused, it's so good knowing someone feels the same - I'm so torn in two!
Moimeme, I know this might sound chickensh*t, and I'm the first to admit that I'm too scared to chase the fairytale right now...I'm just not ready. I know it's wrong to settle, for both partners in the relationship - but sometimes things are just too hard, it's not so easy to just up and leave. But your post got me thinking harder than any post has in a long time
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, just don't have the energy to maintain that level lf intensity for life.
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