[cgbliw]

I have been dating someone I love for five months. Recently, I asked her to tell me her history. She moved here a year ago and I had thought that she had no history with anyone here, only back from where she used to live. Well, it turns out that she was interested in this guy before we met, he would tell her almost everything about him; his problems, fears, personal life etc. She had thought that he really liked her, but it turns out he's a scumbag who would take out girls to movies, make out, fool around while he was dating someone else. After he broke up with his girlfriend, he really talked to my girlfriend about it. And over winter break he asked her over to his house study with him. The ended up making out and they engaged in oral sex. He ignored her afterwards and nothing became of it.

Now, my girlfriend had given oral sex to a previous boyfriend, but that was while they were dating and it wasn't something that happened one night. Her previous relationships were terrrible, she went out with guys that didn't appreciate her, emotionally abused and used her, which is way she is bitter about the guys that once were in her life. I understand that it's not her fault that she made a mistake that one night, but i'm having trouble accepting the fact that it happened. Even though she did it because she thought he really liked her, and we had only met once before that, I am severely bothered and have become uncertain about our relationship. What's going on with me? What should I do?

[Debster]

deal with it. There is nothing you can do about it. There is nothing she can do about it. And by the way, she didn't do anything wrong. You can't expect everyone you date to have had no prior physical contact with their exes.

[Vie]

cgbliw,


Every human being in this world has their own past. I believe that it is not fair to judge people just by the past lives they had. Believe it or not, people do change. Some for the better, some for the worse. The moment you've decided to take this girl as your girlfriend, that's when you should realize that you take her as a whole, not just the happy stuff but also the bad ones. The only mistake you made was not to ask her about the past life before you made the decision. This probably will make you think twice.


But it's in the past.. you've been dating for 5 months now. Has she ever let you down? You should give her some respect that at least she told you everything about her past life. It took a lot of courage for her to do that, especially with the bad experiences she had. So, we should give her a credit for that.


It is normal to be bothered because this is the person you love. I just hope you also realize that this is the present life we're talking about. At least, give her a chance to prove that she loves you. If you suddenly feel uncomfortable about it, do sit down and talk about it, maturely I hope.


Good luck..


~*Vie~*

[faux]

Either accept what happened with her, or find someone else that you can accept. As for her past, I have always noticed that when a girl is bitter of nearly every guy from her past, it is almost always a very bad sign, and a huge red flag. When every ex is an a-hole, scum bag, abuser, stalker, or whatever they can be called, it's usually not entirely true, and I think it's something to be cautious about.

One of my exes would rant and rave about all of her evil exes. Then, it turns out, I became friends with a few of those "evil exes", while dating her. I had no idea that these were the exes she spoke of, as they were such nice guys! She's gone now, but I'm still friends with these "evil, horrible" guys. They're okay in my book, and in everyone else's. To her, however, we're psychotic and evil.

I'm just advising a tiny bit of caution, if every one of her exes or past flings are described negatively. Right now, just get over her past. It isn't something to be too concerned with at this moment, but I wouldn't blame you for exercising some caution.

[mintjulep]

To faux: Sometimes girls describe past boyfriends as bad to their new boyfriends to assure them that they are above and beyond everyone in their past (obviously not the case with the girl you dated). It's fairly common, because girls try to ease the wrinkles of their past by doing that, without realizing how badly it sounds to put other people down (even ******* ex-boyfriends).

That said, the reason some girls do it is because their boyfriends react the way that our friend cgbliw has - immaturely and foolishly. cgbliw, what's your past? You didn't mention it here, but you aired out all of your girlfriends dirty laundry for us, then told us that you know it's okay because you "understand that it's not her fault." So first, you insulted her bond with you by giving us intimate details that she stupidly shared with you (stupidly because you obviously can't keep it to yourself), then you insulted her intelligence by assuming that she did everything in her past because she's easy to manipulate and obviously had nothing to do with any of the decisions to fool around .

Here's my advice. Get over it. Dump her. You'll either find that she's like faux's ex, and she just talks trash about guys she dated because she's insecure, or you'll let her go and allow her to find someone less childish. Either way, at least one of you wins.

[gd1039]

I agree with mintjulep that it depends on what your past is. If the two of you are on the same level then stop being so judgemental and stay with her. On the other hand, if she is ahead in the game, I could understand why it might bother you.