[spanky]

The last time I was on this site I had just been heartbroken by some guy with whom I had GREAT sex. I had thopught I was in love but now know that it was all just lust. SOOOooo I am dating this exceptional man now an an he is in love with me( I do love him), I don't want anything else from anyone else. He is the only man for me. Well, one night we were talking about exes in general and when he asked me hoe the sex was with my ex the word "mindblowing" just slipped out. Yeah, so I am a total jackass, but admitting my stupidity doesn't make him feel any better about it. Well, we've had one huge fight over it, and two VERY tense disagreements. I want this bull-sh-- to stop NOW!!! I will not feel guilty for some lustful relationship that I had in the past. I love the man I am with now and he could quite possibly be my future husband. How do I make him feel secure? How do I make him know that the only man I long for is him? I want him to feel as happy and secure as I do. HELP MEEEE!!! Spanky

[therresa kennedy]

Dear Spanky,

Honey, you should KNOW not to ever say that sex with an old lover was "mindblowing" ! What were you thinking? Now how would you feel if you asked him about how sex was with HIS ex-girlfriend and He said "mindblowing" ? I would tell him you are SORRY. Yes, it's time to eat a little crow. If you intend on marrying this guy, telling him that sex with your ex was "mindblowing" is NOT the manner in which to do it.

Tell him it was "different", it's not like I don't know what you are going through, I do, and I have been there. But just say that each man is different and that you love HIS style of lovemaking and that you wouldn't want to go back in time for anything.

You probably know or SHOULD know that men are incredibley insecure when it comes to feeling comfortable about how they perform sexually. Since in our American society MEN are expected to take the lead sexually, most of the pressure to "perform" and "please" the woman is placed on their shoulders, at least this is the way many men perceive things. This reality is really almost instinctive, it is so much a part of animal reality and since we ARE human animals this is not surprising. Think how YOU would feel if he said his last girlfriend had a thinner more attractive BODY than you do, it would hurt wouldn't it>?

Tell him that sex with him is "mindblowing" too, and once again stress the importance of each man having his own unique style, that may comfort his wounded ego, but remember, if you love him, don't ever say something like that again, it really is the worst thing you could possibly do to a man, think about it and you might see what I mean. Best wishes and take care.

[xeon124]

Ehh... if has such a self-esteem issue where he has to be the best lover in the world... he's got a problem.

So what, you had good sex with an ex. You aren't with that ex now, you are with this guy, and this guy needs to accept your love instead of getting mad at you because he can't accept that your ex-b/f was a good screw.