Internet use-what do men & women think"not crossing the emotional & pysical line"

sally1530 · 26th July 2004, 3:35 PM

Interested to know both points of views.... men and women... what does what is crossing the emotional and physical line with someone online? Should you have a profile and picture up advertising you are single when you are in a committed relationship, engaged or married? Should secrets be kept about your online actions?
Please explain....

dyermaker · 26th July 2004, 3:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sally1530
Should you have a profile and picture up advertising you are single when you are in a committed relationship, engaged or married?

No, No, and No.

Quote:

Should secrets be kept about your online actions?

I think people often confuse privacy with secrecy. What someone does online is nobody else's business, and if you don't trust the person, the focus needs to be on building the trust, not corroding the privacy.

sally1530 · 26th July 2004, 3:46 PM

I caught my ex-husband to be with a profile and picture up on lavalife.com , intimate encounters (looking for sex) .... busted him 28 days before wedding, wedding cancelled because he said I invaded his privacy... hello.... he shouldnt be hiding something like that from his future wife... unless he was doing wrong! and didnt want to get caught

Fayebelle · 26th July 2004, 3:55 PM

What were YOUUUU doing on lavalife.com?

dyermaker · 26th July 2004, 3:57 PM

I'm glad you didn't marry him.

With regards to snooping, some people say the ends justify the means. I think the means are evidence of the end that was there all along.

sally1530 · 26th July 2004, 4:04 PM

I never knew what lavalife was.... until this. I caught him on his emailing.... not on the site.

Fayebelle · 26th July 2004, 4:08 PM

I thought it was the pot and the kettle again

sally1530 · 26th July 2004, 4:11 PM

bottom line is I forgave him the next day and he lied to me for the next 3 days saying everything was cool with us, and all along he was cancelling the wedding under me. I mean if he was doing nothing on that site, then why did he cancell the wedding? He knew I was smart enough to bust him on that, maybe I would discover more, or that he didnt want to give it up... period...

Fayebelle · 26th July 2004, 4:15 PM

How long ago was this? You sound OK w/your decision to ditch him (good job BTW). Are you looking for general opinions here or more specific support?

dyermaker · 26th July 2004, 4:15 PM

You're not open to the fact that maybe he hadn't cheated on you at all, and just didn't want to marry someone who had enough disrespect for him to read his e-mail?

Fayebelle · 26th July 2004, 4:19 PM

He misrepresented himself as single on a singles' site and lied to her face.

Plllgghh!

dyermaker · 26th July 2004, 4:23 PM

I'm very thankful not all women subscribe to this school of thought, that somehow invasion of privacy is justified, treating commitment as if it were a police state instead of something with an ounce of trust.

You're interested in my opinion, and I'm giving it: Guilty or not, Had you read my e-mail, I would have broken off the engagement as well.

Craig · 26th July 2004, 4:25 PM

From my male point of view it's real simple...

Crossing the line would include anything that violates the integrity of the healthy committed relationship. For me that would be regular communication with the opposite sex that is of a personal nature normally associated with people who are in a relationshiip or interested in a relationship.

Of course you shouldn't have a profile and picture up advertising you are single when you are in a committed relationship. Wait a minute! If you have a profile and picture up advertising you are single then you can not, by definition, be in a committed relationship. I don't know the situation but the profile & picture could be an old forgotten one (and denial ain't just a river in Egypt!)

Secrets shouldn't be kept from each other but I think some privacy is important. What is the difference? Well to me a "secret" is something that you keep private from your sig other because you are manipulating the relationship by with holding information.

If secrets are being kept about online actions one has to why. Is confidential work done on-line? Is there a bad experience in the secret keepers past where they were hurt by sharing their on-line actions?

sally1530 · 26th July 2004, 4:30 PM

He would have never known I read the email that one time... I never thought he was cheating on me... I just wanted to see about the bachloer party.. he was fighting with me alot about the strippers and I was courious why.... instead I found that....

I do feel bad about snooping... Im sorry for what I found... but the bottom line is he was advertising himself as single looking for sex... and was not honest with me about it... what else would he lie to me about... plus he didnt respect me first... he was doing this the entire relationship... each time he went and emailed these gals for naked pictures, flirting or hookups.... he was disrespecting me..

I let him watch his porn movies anytime he wanted, and didnt care if he was on porn sites... because he could never actually hook up with these gals... but where he was and what he was doing was down right wrong, he knew I wouldnt approve, but he did it anyway... thats disrespect.

Craig · 26th July 2004, 4:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dyermaker
I'm very thankful not all women subscribe to this school of thought, that somehow invasion of privacy is justified, treating commitment as if it were a police state instead of something with an ounce of trust.

You're interested in my opinion, and I'm giving it: Guilty or not, Had you read my e-mail, I would have broken off the engagement as well.

dyermaker!! I would have broken off the engagement as well!