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It's hard!
My husband (of only 9 months) moved out 7 weeks ago. We have gone to marriage counseling 3 times and we do something together one or two nights per week. My husband moved out because he thought we had too much conflict. Since he left I think he realizes that he wasn't willing to tolerate ANY conflict and that, if the truth be known, he is not sure he wants to be married (responsibility, thinking of someone else, etc.) There are other internal issues (career, etc.) that my husband is dealing with. I realized, immediately, that I had to do something about my confrontational nature because it was making ME and my husband miserable. When my husband left, he had no intention of trying to work things out. He's not thinking that way any more (thus the counseling and dating).
Dating your spouse while you are separated is VERY hard. I can be cruising along feeling like "whatever happens, I'll be o.k.," then I go on a "date" with my husband and I'm right back to desparately wanting him to come home. Other issues (like sex) make it awkward. It's a good chance to show each other your efforts to address the problems in your relationship. I get hung up on why he feels he needs to stay gone. My mind wanders towards the thought "I am his wife, I shouldn't be left here to sleep alone at night." Then I remember that I can't dwell on the fact that we're separated, that's his decision, not anything you I can control. All I can control is my attitude and efforts while we're not together. This shift in approach is what has gotten my husband's attention and turned him back towards working on our relationship.
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