[crazyconfused]

For the last three years I have been with a man in what I guess I would refer to as a "yo-yo" relationahip. After about 5 months he started getting mad and taking off or breaking up with me. For the last year and a half we have been together without the breaking up. I thought we were past all of that. We split up about 2 months ago and for the past 3 weeks have been working things out slowly and things have been better then ever. Well he sent me an im this morning saying "hi sweetheart". I wasnt at my computer until about 20 minutes after he sent it. When I finally did get back to it he was mad. He started saying that he didnt want to talk to me and this and that. I couldnt understand why he would be so mad that I wasnt sitting here when he imed me. Eventually I asked him what the real problem was and he told me he couldnt be with me because of something that happened 9 months ago. Something he has done too I might add and I have forgiven him for. He knew about it right after it happened so its not like he just found out and thats why he is mad. He came over to bring me a couple things he had of mine and we talked. He said that as good as I am to him he doesnt think he can be good to me knowing what happened ( at least not for a long period of time). He told me that he forgave me for what happened and we were going to get past it and get married. HA! Anyway he told me he loves me before he left my house. And I told him he needed to do some thinking and I was going to leave him alone so he could. He said he was going to come over Tuesday so we can talk. I dont know if what I am doing is the right thing. I love him and I want to be with him but I dont want to be hurt by him anymore. For three years I have forgiven him for everything he has done no matter how bad and when I do something wrong he tells me he cant be with me. Should I just give up on him and make him think he has pushed me away for the last time? Or should I talk to him Tuesday and try to work things out with him once again. (sometimes I feel like I am the only one doing any work on our relationship and no matter how much good I do it always goes wrong)

[greenie]

Crazy,

From a guys perspective, if you have showed him that want to be with him, and is not sure or says no, then you should move on, at least initially. Be unavailable and show him how you will be if he loses you. If you go out with someone else, or just have fun being single with your friends without him, and he doesn't respond to that, then he probably never will.

[crazyconfused]

The thing is I have tried that approach before. Two years ago when the same thing was happening I started dating another guy and as soon as he found out he came running back. Not to mention everytime I am "strong" and dont contact him or tell him I just cant do it anymore he always comes back (for how ever long) but it always ends up the same way. I cant even imagine myself with anyone else anymore. I know I need to make him see how things are going to be without me in his life. I believe that when he sees it he wont want to be without me anymore. Then again I may be fooling myself. I guess I am a little afraid that by doing that he will think I dont want him anymore. With him coming over Tuesday to talk I am even more afraid. I dont think 3 days is going to be long enough for him to figure things out but I may be wrong.