[chips]

I have been married for nearly 10 years and I am now nearly 30. Our relationship had many ups and downs but despite all this I am truely in love with my husband. He is my best friend and cannot immagine my life without him. I am very loyal and will never cheat however I am really concerned.

For the past two years I have been fantasising sexually about other men noone in particular but it seems that I am not sexually attracted to my husband anymore. It all started when he was working a lot to pay off his debts and was never in the mood for sex. We were only having sex once every 3 to 4 months which made so frustrated and because I did not want to cheat I started instead daydreaming and fantasisng about other men so that I can cope and masturbate.

My problem is that eventhough our sexual life is now so much better I cannot seem to feel attracted sexually to my husband anymore instead I am always attracted to other men at my work and only sexually as I am very much in love with my husband. I don;t know what to do I have tried so hard to snap out of it but cannot seem to find anything to help me and I am so afraid that I am so close to cheating which I do not want. Please please help me I am so desperate for advise

[Blue Ball Player]

I really think you should try talking to your husband about the past things that caused this. I know every woman thinks of other men at one point in their live, but if you really love your husband, try making things better. Ask your self what makes you attracted to these other men and try to look for that in your husband and put that in you husband

[chips]

Thank you heaps to Kellydontanttasleep and Blue Ball Player for your interest and advise.

I have spoken with my husband before about it as I am a person who believes in sorting things out not bottling them up inside and I begged him to go with me and see a counsellor but he refused.

My husband is a very intelligent and wonderful man but very stubborn and believes that seeing a counsellor reflects badly on him as a man and is a sign of weakness and nothing can change his mind.

When I talk to him he sounds very understanding but his responses are "it will sort itself out", " sex is not all important as we should focus on all the other good things that we have", "we have been together for 10 years it is only natural for our sexual life to change".

My husband is satisfied with having sex every now then (once every month or two), he is not as sexually active by nature as I am whereas I find this very frustrating.

The quality of the sex is excellent but I am concerned that in the past I used to look forward to making love whereas now I still very much feel like sex but I do not feel excited having sex with him anymore, I seem to feel more satisfied when I am fantasising about other men. I have tried so hard to stop myself from fantasising and focus on how much I love him but it seems to be an effort instead of something that should come naturally like in the past and I am really concerned that one day i might just kiss another man if he also shows strong interest in me.

[Matilda]

Uh-oh, when one partner feels like they might have an affair if the right opportunity presents itself spells trouble. I'm not so sure the fantasizing is the problem. I think it is the disparity in your sex drives that is the problem.

Most of the time in this forum, it seems like it is the reverse problem: husband wants more sex than wife. There are lots of posts about this, and you may want to have a look at some of those.

I think you need to make it clearer to your husband that you think the difference in your sexual appetites may be threatening your marriage. He obviously doesn't see the importance of this problem. Ask him again to go to counseling, if he still won't go, then you can go by yourself. Also, take a look at the info on marriagebuilders.com, there is quite a bit on there on this topic.

[dudesomewhere]

do both of you look the same after 10 years? Has anyone gained weight?

I can't really understand it if you lose the attraction if people still look the same. Now however...take my sister and her husband. She's got mommy fat and well, he's put on a buttload of weight.

Now, whenever women become moms and gain any weight and I've known them prior, I always think they are still beautiful...I'm sick I know . However, if women gain weight not being moms it's a turn off

I think my sister and husband still knock boots but she has professed that it is less attractive and rightly so...attraction to someone is partly looks. So she still loves him and they do the deed...and I'm guessing still attracted.

So, has your husband gained any weight? If he still looks the same the whole situation escapes me.

Think of it this way, man or woman, straight or gay...it's just sausage and tacos...a tube and a hole. What more variety do you want when you have one? Sickos

[havNfun]

chips,

sounds like a difficult situation.

thanks
good luck