I was planning on going out for dinner with this guy from work, that I had asked out on a date. We had chatted for about 2 hours on the phone and he suggested that we go out for dinner and he said that he would call me, as he was busy at work for a week. Well that was the 5/6th July and no phone call yet. Now I do not pretend to understand men, but I like to think that when a 38 single guy says that he is going to call then he will, unless of course he never planned on doing so. Now this guy is a MD and I a RN. Now I am not by any means dwelling and have already thrown away his number. But for future reference, is it wise to ask a guy out on a date, and how much do you persue them. Why do they say that they will call and never do. Interesting topic
I brought the men/mars dating book and it is good, for anyone else planning on buying it.
But for future reference, is it wise to ask a guy out on a date, and how much do you persue them.
I never ask guys out and don't pursue them at all. I don't even call guys unless I need to change/cancel plans. But you have to do what works best for you, your personality type, and the kind of guy/relationship you want.
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Why do they say that they will call and never do.
Ha! Any number of a million reasons. It's possible that this guy did not like you stepping up to the role of pursuer. My opinion is that if a guy is interested, he will ask me out -- if he hasn't asked, he's not interested.
__________________ In the end one loves one's desire and not what is desired. -- Nietzsche
me personally, I love being pursued by a woman. I also like pursuing. I ALWAYS follow thru with what I say and dont understand other guys that dont. It makes me embarrassed for my gender at times. I think people get too wrapped up in this whole game of who calls who who pursues who. If you want something you have to go for it. It will either work or it wont. I have gone after a woman I wanted like a pitbull and eventually won and had a meaningful relationship as a result. I have also been on the otherside of that as well. the point is there are no set rules to this game.
O! I'm so disappointed. Seeing as you claimed you were no psycho, I was expecting something truly... psychotic.
I have found that guys reactive positively to me pursuing them, and I have no problem with it. I do love to be pursued as well, hence most of my relationships have been a little of both. That works for me.
Maybe being chased (I use it loosely) wasn't his thing. Chalk it up to that, and move on. If you feel like asking a guy out, go ahead. Don't let this turn you off to the role of pursuer.
I bet they enjoyed it quite a bit. What guy would not be "gaga" about some stunning woman having enough interest in him as a man to approach him and ask for a date.
What a breath of fresh air.
Can't throw out the baby with the bathwater...some guys might react negatively, but let them. Don't let it put you off doing it again.
If you like him, and would like to get to know him better, ask him out!
PS: Like the quote Deranged.
Curt
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I tend to think that if a guy likes you enough, he'll ask you out. And I don't really want to go out with a guy if he doesn't like me enough to ask me out.
I tend to think that if a guy likes you enough, he'll ask you out. And I don't really want to go out with a guy if he doesn't like me enough to ask me out.
I look at it very differently. Why should a guy be denied the pleasure of having a woman like him enough to ask him out? I don't think it should be left to one gender to face the possible (sucky) rejection, or (glorious) acceptance. But again, whatever makes someone comfortable.
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PS: Like the quote Deranged.
Thank you. It's from "The Wrong Man Was Convicted" by Barenaked Ladies.
No call does not mean necessarily that he has no interest. It just does not.
I might have a million different reasons why I might not take it upon myself to ask a girl out...even if, more than anything in the world, I might want to know her better as a person.
Eg: Older guy, younger girl. Does I feel I can ask a 23 year old woman, of great intelligence and wonderful personality, when I am a fair bit older than she is?
Answer: That's the kind of thing that gets a guy called a "player" or "dirty ole man." I would like to think I am neither...but society has limitations on what it will accept.
Eg2: Do I feel I can date the close friend of an ex., even though she and I might get along more smashingly than myself and the ex.
Answer: It's always a barrier to dating. But what if she approached me too. What a great opportunity for us to make a connection.
These are two of about a trillion other situations there probably are.
NOW,
If a woman also gives me the chance through her willingness to ask me if I'd like to go out with her ... will I take that chance?
If I think we could be a good match together, of course I will. Her interest in me, coupled with my desire to also be around her, levels the field significantly.
It's not a confidence thing. It's a consciousness of what societal/community standards can dictate in certain circumstances.
Let'd break the box open on that idea once and for all.
I was just saying that for ME, the guy would have to ask me out. That's all. If you girls want to ask guys out, go for it.
Regarding your examples, Curt, I don't think that the girl asking you out would make these situations any more acceptable. The girl in your example was 23, but I don't know how old you are... I am assuming you are older.
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No call does not mean necessarily that he has no interest. It just does not.
I agree that No call does not equal No interest. But it DOES mean not-enough interest. If a guy likes you ENOUGH, he'll call. That's all I am asking for! I personally would not be attracted to a guy unless he likes me enough to call.
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I look at it very differently. Why should a guy be denied the pleasure of having a woman like him enough to ask him out?
If he liked me, he could just ask me out, then he wouldn't need to be denied any pleasure!
Last edited by HoldOn; 10th July 2004 at 8:47 PM..
I agree that No call does not equal no interest. But it does mean not enough interest. If a guy likes you ENOUGH, he'll call.
No, if he's interested and not shy or has not come up with his own reasons why you won't appreciate his call, he'll call. But hey, whatever floats your boat. I'll take the Curt types any day over the 'me macho man must call' ones
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Well I decided to send him a short email, I do not have his number,anymore but did remember his email. So we will see. I also have three prospects with this dating agency thing I have signed up for, but had to first find out what was happening with this guy..............
Isn't it great that we can all date in the manner that works for us?
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Well I decided to send him a short email,
I'm shuddering right now. He said he'd call and he didn't. What more do you need to know?
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I also have three prospects with this dating agency thing I have signed up for, but had to first find out what was happening with this guy..............
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I am troubled by the implication that we are incapable of calling.
The girl in your example was 23, but I don't know how old you are... I am assuming you are older.
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