Ending a 17 year friendship

Angelpie · 10th July 2004, 3:30 AM

Hi Everyone,
I just found this website and I thought I would post what is happening with my friends and see what you guys thought! Be forewarned this is a long story but I would really appreciate some input.

My friend Jane and I have been best friends for 17 years now and she has 2 kids Gordon(22yrs old) and Ann (19yrs old) I am also very close to them as well. I live about 4 hours away from them but we manage visits once a month and talk on the phone and email all the time so we have stayed very close.
Ann decided that she wanted to move down to my area and asked me if I would move in with her and she came down on her days off to look for work and quickly found 2 jobs and she moved down immediately. Jane was very supportive saying that this would be a wonderful idea for both of us. Ann called me at work 3 days after moving down saying that her mom wanted her to move home. Which shocked both of us and she denied ever saying that this was a good idea. The following 3 weeks Jane was calling us and trying to make us feel guilty and trying to talk Ann into moving home. Ann was determined to stay in the area. Then she went home for the 2nd weekend and called me the night she was supposed to return to tell me she would be up the next day to pick up her stuff and that she was staying with her mom. All of this would have been ok with me, understandable even. Except that Ann had let it slip what her mom had been saying to try to convince her to come home. Jane had been telling lies to Ann about me, nasty lies saying that i only wanted her to move here for her car, that i was a b*tch, that I would walk all over her and more. Jane also started treating me like I was a suspicious character. I didnt call her for a couple days because I was working 13 hour days at work, and she was asking Ann what i was up to and that things seemed shady. To bring back Anns stuff, they had to bring 2 cars because there was so many people coming down with them. Jane, Gordon, Ann, James(the father) and Anns friend. I felt like scum. I took off before they showed up because i felt like they were ganging up on me or were afraid I was going to do something.
I am upset with Ann because she blindsided me...but not really upset I just wish she had warned me. But Jane is another story. I have never felt hurt and pain like i am feeling now. I haven't spoken to her since the night it was decided that Ann was moving back. And that night was only on msn messenger and she was very "I told you so"
I can't imagine being able to trust her again, but if I end our friendship I am essentially ending my friendship with Ann and Gordon as well. They all live together and are a close family. That is 3 17 year friendships that I would be losing.
So that is my story and now I am very confused and burt so any insight you guys might have would be welcomed. Thanks so much!
Angel

Mr Spock · 10th July 2004, 3:49 AM

Can you elaborate a bit more? I'm a little confused as to what happened-so she moved in with YOU or the other way around?

I'm a bit dramatic, so I would pretty much say "go F*CK yourself" and not speak to them again. Obviously, there is more to this than meets the eye. What's the point of keeping a 17 year friendship if it's with crazy b*tches?

Mr Spock · 10th July 2004, 4:17 AM

I'd also like to add, as an afterthought, that if this woman is capable of stabbing you in the back like that, perhaps the friendship wasn't as strong as you thought, or had deteriorated. Often it's a lack of communication-maybe this woman is jealous of you. Either way, it sounds like poison, and her daughter sounds no better. Count yourself lucky you found out how they react over this situation, and not over something life and death.

moimeme · 10th July 2004, 4:22 AM

It sounds as though your friend has got some big problems. She couldn't let her baby bird leave the nest so she freaked out on you to get the kid back home. This is not 'very close', this is pathologically close.

Has she ever behaved this oddy before? If not, something might be going on with her medically. To go to those lengths to get your daughter to move back home is not a sign of a healthy mind.

Angelpie · 10th July 2004, 4:33 AM

Ann moved in with me and we were in the process of looking for an apartment.
Yes Jane has done things before but never to this extreme and she has never used me like this before. Gordon moved down here a few years ago and he stayed for a few months before going home. There was some fighting between Jane and I then to but it was nothing like this. In fact I even drove him back to her house and stayed for a few days visit.
I really appreciate your input. I have a bad habit of blaming myself for alot of things and I was starting to do that this last week. I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong. But I know I haven't. All I did was try to be a good friend to them.

Mr Spock · 10th July 2004, 4:39 AM

Please don't blame yourself-they're doing enough blaming you as it is. What I would do is simply not talk to her for a while, if not ever. Block her on MSN, as it's hard to get a good idea of what the person really means through print.

It sounds like your friendship was rocky-based on her walking all over you. You sound like a nice person-who definetly doesn't need the stress this family is putting you through!!!