hi,
i am in need of some clarification so i hope that i can get that here cuz i no know where else to turn to. my girlfried has a very busy job and works some hours different then i do. she is fairly professional with her work and takes it all so seriously that sometimes i get annoyed with her perfection. what i do not know for sure is how much i should help her with her own job. when i have free time she thinks that as a "couple" that we are "suppose" to "want" to help each other and when i do not want to she becomes upset with me and i become upset right back because i feel intruded upon. she thinks for our personal growth that we do things for each other as a couple. she states several times that she has helped me with things and i stress to her that i also help her as well just that she expects it now and is mad when i refuse for any reason and thinks i should want to help her for the good of our relationship. so what can i say to her? do you think she is right? i will go by what the majority rules. many regards.

[clia]

She wants you to help her with her work? Her job?

That's the strangest thing I've ever heard.

It's definitely not your responsibility! If she's got to work and you've got free time, go to the beach!

[HoldOn]

What kind of job is this?

yes she wants me to do some things for her when i am at home such as run errands, some internet work, etc. she thinks that just because i have a little more free time then she does that i should help her, that if it was the other way around she would be doing it for me. i know she would help me, but then again not sure i would ask that of her either. we live together and she has strong opinions of helping each other as a couple to grow and support each other when the other needs it and she needs the help. she is a transaction coordinator so she has a ton of phone calls and paper work to do and she gets so stressed out from it all. she wants to hire an assistant to help her so maybe that would be better for us both. i am still left to feel guilty when i have some free time to sit and relax, that i should not be doing so because she is still at work and i am home now and i think that she feels anger about having to be at wok while i am at home and i try to tell her that i have put my time in as well and she still thinks that as long as i am sitting here at home that i could make a few phone calls for her and look up some internet info for her. so i sit and feel guilty then i do it to help her and she is ever so greatful towards me and i feel good for helping her but then i can feel resentful at the same time and i do not want this to become a wedge between us and i can see how it easily can and will. so what do you guys think, should i put a stop to this and if i do am i really not being support of her?

[CurlyIam]

You should begin to tell her that you have your own life ot live.If she's uncapable to run hers, well, then too bad for her !

IT's her lifestyle, not yours! One rule I sow in my family: they leave their work related problem at the door! Best approach ever! They had tons of other subjects to quarrel about anyway!

Still: let her deal with it! And be damn selfish with you own time! You won't have that forever, you know!

Lots of luck,

Curly