It all depends if he's still inlove with her. Do not think that only because you are the next girl you're relationshipwith him is sacrificed. It is up to both of you to make it work - him, to get over the fact that she'll never come backand that he has to move on and you - to confront you fears, your jealousy, your insecurities regarding her and to trust him.
Why amI saying this? Something a bit similar here: I came to PAris in October - had decided to have a LDR with him this year. He visited me on December. I was on the point of telling him not to come, it was obviously not working. Anyway, he did come, we spent the holidays, he left. I was so... sick of this situation, yet I think the world of him. I met this new guy in... late January. No date, no kiss, I simply liked him. One month later he calls me for a date (and a horrible one if I mayadd
), one month and a half later I end the relationship with my ex.
I did not end it with my ex because of the distance or because of my current bf. It was just not working. For a long time. I only found the courage to say it out loud almost 5 months later!
The first time I made love to my bf, it felt wrong too. But it was normal: I had been sleeping for the past four years with the same man. It was different. Of course I did not find the familiarity, the old feelings of security, when touching another body. I almost broke into tears. I didn't even quite like it, to be honest
. It was the desire that puzzled me... I was feeling desire!
It was part of moving on. My bf does not know that my ex and I split after our first date... He'd be quite insecure about it! That I do not want.
I
can handle it. There were times when it was so hard for me. I had once one day where I was convinced I had to go back to my ex - who by the way, made it clear he wanted me back. I got over the urge. And what do you know, it was after 4 months also...
Don't suspect he's inlove with her! She played a big role in his life. She can't just be out! But if he decides to move on with his life, if indeed he had let go and is not inlove with his ex, than you can make it work!
I did, and my bf... Jeez, I swear sometimes he is utterly impossible! I am the living example of "yes, it can work".
See how he takes it and if he's telling you he wants you two to stay together, I say you risk it all! You may strike gold!
he's really a great guy. the best guy ive dated in the two years ive been single and id hate to break up because of this but i feel like the third wheel here. hes inlove with someone an ocean away and that girls inlove with someone else. then theres me. who cant do much right because i think im being compared to his ex. the first time we slept together he cried after i left because he didnt feel right. im the first for him since her. she moved away about a year and a half ago i think so he hadnt gotten any in almost that whole time. none of this feels right anymore. but being with him feels so good to me. what do i do? im usually good at figuring this out...but im at a loss this time. and to be completely honest i dont think the exwife timeline matches up well with the first story he told me because i thought all that took place a while ago and it seems like they have been talking until he met me. he told me he just put the paperwork through to finalize it 2 days before he met me. and he stopped writing to her around that time too. but i didnt know any of this til the other day. so im the rebound girl. originally it sounds like they have been split up since nov. before i thought he said it was even longer then that...but then it was nov...without communication...then i find out its been since jan of 04 and now i find out it could be longer??? i just got there in april. what 4 months later. none of this is sitting well with me.
i got to see how happy he was with her. its not that im jealous. its that i am starting to fall for him and considering they just broke up if she comes back...im out of it. without a thought. and then just to top it off....he got a new job 3 weeks ago. she tracked down his email address and sent him something like hi...hows the new job going. he replied for someone who doesnt care about me you sure found a way to track me down. that was yesterday while he was at work. and supposedly they werent on speaking terms. she didnt want anything to do with him. i dont know. i do care about him a great deal. but not enough to be able to say later on..oh its ok if you go back to her when that moment happens. its early enough to go without being that broken up about it now and find someone that makes me feel a little more secure in his feelings about me. and doesnt carry so much emotional baggage around. so dont be surprised if im posting here next week saying i ended it.....i dont put myself into these situations on purpose and when i find this is lurking in my relationship im gone.
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