I am trying to break up with my fiancee. The very abridged version of this, as my last post obviously never went through
, is that i love my fiancee, very much. i dont want to hurt her. we have been together for 2 1/2 years, and we got engaged after 1 month, when i gave her a ring with the intent of a promise ring, but she took it as an engagement ring, and i guess i went along with it, not to hurt her.
5 days ago, some off-hand comments were made by her, 3 to be specific, and all of them dealt with not getting married, for some reason or another. additionally, 5 days ago, i met a girl, with whom i have talked to for a few months, and is the sister-in-law of one of my best friends.
when i met the sis-in-law, for this first time, 5 days ago, (we had previously talked online), i felt something that i had never felt before. i dont' know what it was honestly, but it made me feel happy, and warm, like i had never experienced before. i felt like i could give up my world, to have a chance at hers.
well, i felt like a total ass for thinking like this, considering i am engaged and all, but i started to feel like something was obviously wrong with my relationship now, if i'm feeling this way. i combated that, thinking that i was forcing myself to think that way, but if i was forcing myself, why was i doing it?
no matter what was going on though, i decided that talking with my fiancee was the best route, because something was obviously wrong. i told her that i had an empty spot inside and that i had to figure out how to fix it, that it was something i had to do alone, because no one would be able to fix it but me. She seemed to understand, and she shed a few tears. I told her that all i wanted right now was to be friends, and that i needed time alone. she said that was fine, to call if i ever needed anything, and to keep my options open. I told her to keep hers open too, and with that, i left, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
so it was all done.
well, i was wrong, thinking that it would be done that easily.
a few hours later, she calls me, telling me how wrong i am to say that i want to spend my life with someone and then back out. She also tells me that what i need is someone to help me through it, and that pushing her away was not the answer. She told me that she didnt' want to, or couldnt' live without me, that she wanted to be my wife. for some reason, i believed this, and told her i was sorry, and that i took back what i had earlier said. This, i believe was a rather large mistake. I caved in.
i went to sleep last night, thinking that i had finally come to an answer, and that these last 5 days of utter hell had finally ended. However, i woke up this morning with the same old sick feeling (yes, i've been pretty sick for 5 days. i've been throwing up a few times everyday and i've had very runny bowel movements, all because of the stress of this.) I realize that i can't just make this go away over night, and that it will hurt.
I never wanted to hurt my fiancee. I still love her, but i feel that both she and I can be happier apart. Don't get me wrong though, we have a great relationship. we hardly ever fight (by that i mean like 3 fights ever), and we get along great. But, i only have 1 life to live. i have to make my choices wisely. Should i persue what i know has made me happier than i have ever been? or should i stay where i am, in a safe relationship, that i may end up hurting for later on, with more responsibility involved? There is a saying that goes "The brave may not live forever, but the cautious never truly live." And for now, im using that saying as a comforter.
please, give me some insight. i know this is a confusing situation, but i can't deal with it any longer.
as a side note, she does not know about the other girl, or my feelings for her. I assumed that since this is already hard, the knowledge of another girl would be even harder, and i do not want her to hurt herself.
as another side note, before i met the other girl, i knew that i would like her like this, from talking to her, and getting to know her.
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