[moimeme]

If you find that you are in a fairly regular state of simmering fury, or if things which used not to bother you are getting to you, or if you fall into tears much more easily than normal, or if the slightest thing sets you off, or if you dont' seem to be laughing and smiling as much as you used to - pay heed. These are all warning signs that something is going on with you; often that someplace in your life there is too much stress.

First check yourself physically - are you getting enough food? Enough sleep? The right kinds of foods? Enough water?

Next, review what's been going on in your life - major life change of some sort? Any stressors, things to worry you? Keep digging. Somewhere is a reason why you're different and you need to know what it is and deal with it.

Anger is not healthy. Nor is stress. They literally produce toxins in your body which damage you. So it's absolutely to your physical benefit to find out what it is that is causing you to have changed. You only got one you, after all!

[Pyrannaste]

Hi Moimeme,
I just wanted to thank you for this interesting post.
I wonder if it was Hokey's thread that gave you the idea ,
anyway it was very interesting and insightful to read.....I am impressed
(As you can guess, I can relate to the situation you accurately described. )

[einahpets]

i know the situation all too well....

[Good2Go]

No doubt stress takes a toll on a body. Question is: How the hell do you get rid of it? It's part of life and the things you encounter from taffic to paying bills to getting laid. I'm thinking becoming an adult is learning how to deal with it, not thinking it's going to go away cause you put a tag on it.

[CurlyIam]

My mother has been an angry person all her life, maybe that's why sometimes I see something good in it. I mean it can motivate one, make them get out and take action to change things tht need to be changed.

One can use anger as a way of motivating themselves-of course, I mean being angry at yourself, and more focussed on the final end, not at those around the person in question. I do know that is easy to loose controll of it, God only knows I've seen this in my family... but maybe it's not all that bad!!!

[moimeme]

I wonder if it was Hokey's thread that gave you the idea

Her post reminded me because I catch myself sometimes. When I'm grumpy, I know something's up. Usually there's a cause I can find. Sometimes it's as simple as my not having eaten for too long!

Question is: How the hell do you get rid of it? It's part of life and the things you encounter from taffic to paying bills to getting laid. I'm thinking becoming an adult is learning how to deal with it, not thinking it's going to go away cause you put a tag on it.

You learn to deal by not letting stuff get to you. Recast the way you think about things. For instance, if someone cuts you off, that person has not deliberately set out to bug you (possibly a more valid reason for getting angry). Likely, that person has made a mistake just as you make mistakes. So, rather than getting furious, forgive the person because you both are human and flawed. Just let it go.

You are quite right, it is a function of adulthood to cope with this stuff. Remember the saying about changing the things you can, accepting those you can't? Well, you can't change the fact that there will always be annoying people or dumb people or stupid things that happen. So might as well quit wishing it weren't so and go with the flow and not let them get to you.

This will never change. It will never be the case that every person you meet will be exactly the way you want that person to be and do everything you want done so quit wanting that. Drop the expectation that others 'should' be just so and voilà - your anger and stress evaporates and there's room for peace and happiness to flourish.

Basically, it is unreasonable and illogical to expect people to behave as you want. If you're getting mad at them all the time, it means you have raised your expectations to beyond reasonable. You are expecting miracles and will constantly be disappointed and frustrated. So you have to step back and get perspective and remind yourself that people are Flawed Human Beings and need to be accepted for who they are.

Hey, presto - hate and anger and frustration go away.

[Thinkalot]

Thank you moi, once again, for the wise insights. Something BunnyBoy and I need reminding of from time to time...

[yes]

please don't underestimate the physical causes such as lack of food or drink or exercise or whatever else - treat your body well, then see if you're still in a bad condition.

my 2c,
-yes

[ladyangel]

Anger is a totally normal feeling. Everyone needs to be able to express anger once in a while. Why keep it bottled up or pretend you never have any? What's even worse is when people CLAIM they're not angry yet their words and actions say they are.

You wouldn't be a human being if nothing ever made you angry. We all have times when we're justifiably angry or frustrated with someone or something or just a set of circumstances. As long as it doesn't go on for long periods of time or become all-consuming, there is nothing unhealthy about it.

[CurlyIam]

you'll laugh, my mom associated her anger with having a character. She used to tell me she can't stand "always calm" type of people. She used to make me thing of the temperament of a Spanish woman! Sometimes she was so funny, other times I was seriously contemplating the possibility of making my suitcase and leave!!!

I agree with ladyangel, anger is a natural response of your brain. Denying it is dead wrong. Exteriorizing it (not on the object of your anger, but letting it go) is the way to treat it. With your mind, on instinct!

It can change shape and become a disease, but then, I am not the type to make a drama out of anything. I still find it amusing how at the most minor sign of a fight, you (mostly people not from Europe) urge the married couple to go into counseling. Must be a cultural differance of some sort !

[Good2Go]

Drop the expectation that others 'should' be just so and voilà - your anger and stress evaporates and there's room for peace and happiness to flourish. by Moimeme

Maybe I'm off the chain but droping my expectations in order to let people act like *******s around me isn't going to happen. I'm gonna be pissed. I'm gonna be stressed. I'll try my best to deal with it for my sake, not theirs. I do not think it will evaporate though. It's only controlled and prioritized.

[moimeme]

I still find it amusing how at the most minor sign of a fight, you (mostly people not from Europe) urge the married couple to go into counseling. Must be a cultural differance of some sort !

Again, it's not 'at the first sign of a fight' but rather when it is clear that a couple is deep in a hole they have been unable to climb out of on their own. Make light of whatever you will. Until you personally witness genuine suffering, you haven't much scope to make your judgements.

[moimeme]

I'm gonna be pissed. I'm gonna be stressed. I'll try my best to deal with it for my sake, not theirs. I do not think it will evaporate though. It's only controlled and prioritized.

Too bad ol' Albert Ellis wasn't just hitting the bookstands now. He'd be lauded as a god and people would be touting The Ellis Method. If you want to know what I'm talking about, read some of his stuff.

You can actually evaporate most of that junk if you really want to. As I said, people aren't going to change so spending the rest of your life being upset about that is kind of pointless. Pick up some Ellis or get into some Buddhism and you'll astonish yourself with how much of it you can drop.

[Matilda]

I know I used to think that I was entitled to be angry, and that people "should" get angry, I don't really feel that way anymore. Of course, I do still get angry at things that are unreasonable and frustrating, health insurance issues are the first thing that come to mind. But, the amount of anger in my life is much less than it used to be.

I know as I've gotten older I've become more empathetic. Instead of getting mad at the person driving so slow in front of me, I realize that one day I'll be old and driving slow too, there's no misdeed there, it's just the way it is.

I wonder if being less angry is a natural consequence of getting older and wiser?

[Caveman]

Sounds like you're describing a person with chronic depression...