[digger]

This is the toughest one Ive written yet. After getting D papers thrown at me after 20 years of being with the love of my life and getting the "I dont love you anymores"...and trying 'no contact' but failing many times, several weeks ago I picked up my daughter to take her to a movie. My wife and daughter have always been tied to the hip--Ive felt alone..the outsider. They would go with me into restaurants and the daugher (at 16) would scream when we sat down if I were in between the 2..they had to sit next to each other. Well going thru the hell I am,
when we took off for the movie I started talking about my wife. Just, what is she thinking, what is she doing..those kinda things. I know I shouldnt involve the kid but I was just seeking some info. My daughter said "i dont want to talk about it".
My daughter by the way, has echoed her mothers words saying. "go find somebody else" which is so hard to hear after all these years and when divorce is a surprise. Anyway, i said. 'ok you dont have to talk about it..but just listen'. At that, she shook her fist in my face and yelled "shut your f****** mouth", bolted from the car and ran into the mall where I lost her. Within 10 minutes her mother had arrived to pick her up. I later called to see if that was in fact what happened and her mom picked up the phone--said, Shes here and thats all you need to know--and hung up.
This was 4 weeks ago, and now, the kid says she is to uncomfortable to see her own dad on fathers day. If my wife had any kindness in her at all--she would short of "MAKE" her see me. But nope, as in everything else, daughter gets her way. As if the divorce isnt devastating enough, I'm alone in a big city and now this.
It hurts!!! And it just keeps piling up.

[disguy]

Wow man i can feel your pain just by reading that post. You must've done something really bad to make your own daughter rebel against you. Or your wife is brainwashing her to excentuate the truth- either way you lose. It sucks because you really can't do anything about it. Well hang in there dude.

[BlueLP]

I really feel for you...it must be really hard right now. You can really tell though in your message that you care about your daughter and that even though she may be taking her mom's side right now, if you continue to care and try to keep her out of the situation, then she'll be back around someday. Hang in there.

[moimeme]

Get yourself to a counsellor. If you want to talk about your wife, do it with a professional and not with your daughter. And here's a clue. As her father, you are supposed to worry about her feelings, and not vice versa. You knew she didn't want you to talk about her mother but you INSISTED on doing so and upsetting her. She's quite right to avoid you because you don't respect her boundaries. Get therapy, fast, and learn how to interact appropriately with her. Kids don't reject their parents for nothing; you are contributing to this situation and you need to learn how to stop doing whatever it is you're doing.

[Caveman]

If I ever talked like that to either one of my parents, I'd be toothless and homeless. Your wife seems like a real @#$% and apparently the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

[TreeHugger]

It sounds like you love your daughter very much, and you have concern for your relationship with her. It is an emotional roller coaster when a family splits up, especially when there are children involved

My parents separated when I was a teenager...my dad would try to talk with me about the "separation." He talked about his confusion and his love for my mom, etc...

Within the first 10 seconds, I would feel my stomach turning, and then my head pounding, kind of like a volcano!!! There were times I felt I would vomit...

Being a teenager is a confusing time for kids...and parents no longer together...their world is changed forever...in addition to their identity crisis...nothing is stable.

Anytime a family breaks up and there are children involved, it is a tragedy. IMO, I believe that it is the responsibility of the adults in the situation to support the children emotionally. Everyone, including the children, should be in counseling learning new coping skills, communication skills, figuring out how they fit into the new world around them and having that one person (who is unrelated) to share all the yuck that comes with divorce/separation.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult spot...now that I'm going through my own divorce (with children), I can understand my parents much better. It is tough...but I hear (and believe) once we get through the s*@# of divorce, the emotional stuff gets easier.

I hope your daughter is able to eventually find compassion, and that someday your relationship will be healed. It took awhile, but my dad is still my hero!