Did I make the right decision breaking up with my boyfriend?

shooting_star22 · 7th June 2004, 3:49 PM

Hi everyone. This is my first time in here, so I'm pretty new at all this. I have a 'lil problem and I was hoping someone could help me out.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. We had a great relationship. I broke up with him because I just didn't feel the same way about him anymore. When we were at parties, I was always afraid that he wasn't having a good time and I was. I felt really guilty. On top of that, we're both going to different colleges in a couple months. I thought I should end it now before we got too serious.

It hasn't been very long since the breakup. But I'm having some second thoughts. I broke up with him pretty quickly. I'm afraid I acted a little impulsive. I didn't even try to work it out with him. I just ended it. I really felt bad for breaking up with him. We agreed to stay friends.

I'm really torn in half here. Half of me is saying "you did the right thing. The feelings just aren't there anymore. Time to move on." But the other half is saying "No no no. You just threw away a great guy. You didn't even try to work it out. Go back to him." I really want to talk to him and see how he's feeling about all this. I feel like pouring all this out to him. I've always been able to talk to him. But should I? Did I make the right decision breaking up with him? What do I do now? Someone please help me.

Pyrannaste · 7th June 2004, 4:05 PM

If I were you I'd talk to him (unless he is mad and does not want to hear from you again), apologize about breaking up out of the blue, and explain *exactly* what was going on your mind. If he still has feeling for you you could discuss this together, and then decide what to do, whether to get ack together or not.

best of luck to you.

pocoestrella · 7th June 2004, 4:05 PM

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Star,

The only person who can say if you made the right decision is you...

To me it sounds like you really like this guy, but more on the level of friends... and you had known for awhile that you didn't feel the same for him any longer that I suspect he felt for you... so I don't really think this was a decision of "impulsivness" on your part.

I think your second thoughts on it now are that you miss the friendship and his company.... but not maybe the "romantic" side of the relationship....

Again Star, the only person who knows for sure is you... but be sure of what you feel BEFORE you pour this out to him... reason being IF its really just the friendship you're missing it wouldn't be fair to him to get his hopes up that things can or will work out IF your not really feeling it....

Good Luck

Becks84 · 7th June 2004, 4:20 PM

What has changed w/ your feelings for him? How do you feel about him now? A change in feelings is a legitimate reason for a break up...although I would like to say that you owe him the total truth about how you feel and why you have decided to break it off. Closure is important, and you owe that to him.
I do not feel that because you will be going to different colleges it is a good reason for breaking up. You dont know how things would be with you two at different schools until you try it. You dont want to be left wondering and you shouldnt give up something great because of this.

Ask yourself why u are having second thoughts. If it's because you have strong feelings for him, and you miss him, well then maybe you did make the wrong choice. If you two are still communicating, I hope that if you do decide to remain broken up that you will at least talk to him about it and like I said, give him some closure. Also, if you two are still friends, than you should be able to talk to him about how you're feeling about all of this...just dont mess with his head, and if you are super confused, try and figure yourself out first before you take him on a roller coaster ride.

So I say, yes talk to him, just choose your words carefully! Best wishes!

shooting_star22 · 7th June 2004, 7:37 PM

Thanks everyone. This is helping me. I was just wondering if it's normal for me to feel this depressed about the break up. I think I just feel really bad for doing this to him. But still... I'm feeling pretty bummed out. Is this all normal?

pocoestrella · 8th June 2004, 2:26 PM

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Star...

Yes it's normal to feel sad about a break up even if you're the one who wanted it... it is a loss you know? things have changed and it's normal to feel sad about it.

Give it some time girl....

Good Luck

Apollo432 · 9th June 2004, 9:47 AM

Star,
I have been on the other end of your situation. My GF of about a year recently broke things off 2 weeks ago with me because she said she needed space. I wanted to know how long and if she thought there was a future. She said she didnt know. The next day she called and said she thought she was making a big mistake. I wanted to make sure she wanted me and wasnt just feelng bad about the whole situation. So I told her to think it over.

About a week went by and I couldnt handle being strung along anymore and told her that I needed to call this a break up (in order for me to heal b/c it seemed like she was over it) and she could call it what ever she wanted. I told her that I would always be there for her and that I loved her. Not a day goes by where I wish she would call me or show up and say I feel I have made a big mistake and lets try to work things out slowly.

My advice to you is listen to your heart. If you feel that you could take things slow and are honest with yourself that this is what you really want then by all means call, he wil listen to what you have to say and you can go from there. I didnt want to have any regrets and told her exactly how I felt.

As for my situation I am moving to go back to school in 3 months and I feel that there isnt much time left. I know she has been "talking to someone" (whatever that means) and its only been 2 weeks, I know now that I dont know if I could ever take her back.

I have a lot of healing to do.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
Hope this helps

unreal · 9th June 2004, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by shooting_star22
Hi everyone. This is my first time in here, so I'm pretty new at all this. I have a 'lil problem and I was hoping someone could help me out.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. We had a great relationship. I broke up with him because I just didn't feel the same way about him anymore. When we were at parties, I was always afraid that he wasn't having a good time and I was. I felt really guilty. On top of that, we're both going to different colleges in a couple months. I thought I should end it now before we got too serious.

It hasn't been very long since the breakup. But I'm having some second thoughts. I broke up with him pretty quickly. I'm afraid I acted a little impulsive. I didn't even try to work it out with him. I just ended it. I really felt bad for breaking up with him. We agreed to stay friends.

I'm really torn in half here. Half of me is saying "you did the right thing. The feelings just aren't there anymore. Time to move on." But the other half is saying "No no no. You just threw away a great guy. You didn't even try to work it out. Go back to him." I really want to talk to him and see how he's feeling about all this. I feel like pouring all this out to him. I've always been able to talk to him. But should I? Did I make the right decision breaking up with him? What do I do now? Someone please help me.

I don't know if you did the right thing or not? This kind of sounds like what my exgirl just did to me. Although, I don't think she is having second thoughts. We dated for about 2 1/2 years when we were 17-19 and in high school and early college and she wanted marriage but I wasn't ready, so she gave up and left. We broke up for 6 years, along the way she got married to another man. We got back together last spring whenever she left her husband to come back to me again because she felt she messed up by losing me and wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. I felt the same way as she did and had always wanted her back. So we were together for just barely over 1 year when she told me she couldn't do it anymore. She had told me up until the final 3 weeks together that she still wanted to marry me and that I was her soulmate. We had made plans to move out of state together and start a family. She had wanted me to move in with her awhile back but for various reasons I didn't or couldn't at that time. When the time came for me to move in with her she refused and didn't think it was a good idea anymore. I bought her an engagement ring and hadn't given it to her just yet. She seemed to have grown impatient and somehow after going out on a weekend with some co-workers her feelings towards me suddenly changed. She told me that she still loved me and was in love with me but needed time to think. She didn't think she felt as strongly as she once did and she didn't miss me like she should. Needless to say, she broke up with me last Sunday. There are clues that point to another man involved and maybe this is the reason. But at this point I'm devastated and don't know if I will ever recover. Much less ever trust anyone again when they tell me they love me and want to marry me. I'm not sure if the cold feet thing got to her and made her lose sight of our love and relationship. Or maybe I was a rebound from her ex-marriage. I'm just not sure.