I really want to talk to her..but i think it would do no good
Hey all,
MY ex g/f and I broke up on april third, haven't spoken once since then. There was no infidelity, she said that she needed more from the relationship communication wise. I really want to email/call her cuz i miss her a lot. But, i don't think it would do any good. She hasn't tried to call me and i haven't tried calling her. Should I call her? Or should i not? I don't want to lose her, but i think it may be too late. It kills me though, to know whether or not she misses me....i don't know..i'm just really bummed and i can't shake this bug.
I am not trying to be mean here, but if she hasn't contacted you AT ALL - then unfortunately you have probably lost her. If you really feel that making contact with her would make you feel better, then email her. Keep it LIGHT though. Just say you wanted to know how she was doing and what was going on in her life.
How long were you two together??? And what did she mean by wanting more "communication wise?" Are you a poor communicator??
I went through the same thing with my ex (first true love) when we broke up, although it *was* because of her infidelity. All I can say is that pride is easily both the most powerful and the most stupid thing any person can possess. You don't realize how much pride you have until something like this happens and you have to decide whether to swallow it or keep the facade up.
A friend of mine also went through a similar thing. He asked me for the same advice you are in your post and in the end he msgd her - nothing too strong, just a "how are you doing? are you ok?" sort of msg. I could probably recommend you do the same thing, although I can't stress enough that if you're willing to take this step, you also have to be 100% ready for the answer. Don't expect her to say nice things - in fact its better if you expect the worst. I don't say this to be mean - I'm just saying to be PREPARED because what she says may be something you don't like.
Yes, she may also just be holding onto pride and thinking the same things you are. But she may also have moved on. In the case of my friend, unfortunately his ex had moved on - and she was extremely cold about it.
Despite my ex cheating, the urge to msg her (just to see how she was) was overwhelming. I managed not to contact her at all for a year, and as cliched as it sounds: as time goes on, it gets easier. For me, the first 6 months were nothing but anxiety, depression and mood swings... I was constantly on a very thin thread. I would've done anything just to talk to her.
Its your call man, just be ready for what she has to say.
Deep wounds never heal.
Take moss's advice.....just be prepared for the worst. It's still going to hurt, but it will be easier for you to dust yourself off and press forth. Yes, as time goes by, it'll get easier and easier for you. You'll still have a bad day or two, but as long you're strong willed, you can overcome. The relationship I broke off five years ago is something I still think about, and yes I i do miss her, but you have to try to move on, that's all you have to do. I hope I made some sense.
I don't think I agree with azgirl. There could many reasons why she hasn' called. That she is "over it" is certainly one of them. She also could be seeing who "blinks" first. She could be seeing some other dude who she is beginning to dislike (just like she did with you ) Ya never know etc.
Regardless, NO CONTACT remains the best option...
Our stories are similar in that we are roughly two months into no contact and we haven't heard a thing from our ex's...
Does it hurt-YES
Do I like IT-NO
Was I treated nicely-NO
Was being in relationship with my ex fun? NO!!!
Am I going to put up with one more nanosecond of this funked up treatment?
NO
WomenAreNuts, you gotta grab the reigns ! I know your spun out. I know you fell like your drifting without a rudder. I know other girls aren't nearly as exciting I KNOW! I'm there with you.
But, the good news is if you hang in there, you'll get through it...I feel better today and am clear that any contact with my ex says "Hey, over here, look at me! I'm still spun out about you, will you torture me some more PLEASE? My ex made it clear we were friends only (and then called me every day for 4 friggin; months WTF?) Do I have to have it spelled out for me ?
Not attractive...
So I dissappeared. Off the radar screen. Gone. Best thing I ever did..
You should do the same. Get un-spun, Detox. Only then will you be able to access this situation clearly...
I could be wrong but I think you should contact her...
If her main reason for breaking up with you was lack of communication, well maybe she's waiting for you to communicate with her. If you didn't do it before, maybe she just needs to know that you care. Give it a try, let her know you care. And if that work, tell her you're going to leave her alone bc that's what she wants.
hey guys,
thanks for the advice...all the posts were really informative and helpful. I don't know, i think the best thing for me to do is move on. I mean honestly, how good can our relationship be after breaking up for the second time? This chick is totally nice..smart...and so damn hot...hence my trouble with letting her go. She's still has my spare car and motorcycle keys...i need to get those back from her but i don't want to call her and ask for them because she would view that as an attempt by me to contact her which would then make her think i'm weak/desperate etc. Hot chicks are heartbreakers...seriously.
I'm wondering if anyone can tell me what the M/M is feeling once the OT lets him go??? Is he hurting too? His W found out about us in Feb by mymistake....(I called house instead of cell phone)..Then I found out he took a vacation for a week...didn't say anything to me....that's when I lost it....my heart and everything else collapsed....Crying I read a love letter I wrote in my pain and ....then 6 hours later I left a message that he was a deceitfull liar and I knew about his vacation and not to bother me anymore....He never got to tell me anything because I did it all.....So can anyone tell me what he might be feeling?
We've been MM/OW for 20+ years.
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