First off, my girlfriend just turned eighteen and I am the only guy she has ever been with. This might be relevant to the story and question. This is a longer one, but I could use whatever help or advice I can get. Thank you.
I had been with my girlfriend for three years until just recently when she decided that she wanted some "space". She and I had a great time, we went a lot of places together, spent more time with each other than anyone else.
Anyhow, we got into an arguement about three weeks ago. It was a rather intense arguement and I must say that at the time I was considering calling it quits. But that same night, things cooled down a bit and she cried out that she didn't want to break up with me, and I told her that I didn't want her to break up with me either. The next few days she and I didn't talk so much, to let the situation cool down.
Well, I called her after a couple of days and she was saying that she wasn't sure that she wanted to continue the relationship. I told her that I wanted to make it work between us. She told me that it was going to take a lot of compromise on both parts. Alright, well, I can do that, all seems to be on the right track. So I asked her if she wanted to go to a party on an upcoming saturday night. She said that she would join me.
Come saturday night, I tried to get a hold of her. I called many times. I got a text message from her saying that she couldn't go to a party that night, and to have fun. I was confused. I didn't really know what to think. So I call her a day or so after the party and ask her what was going on. She told me that she just wasn't feeling up to it. I invite her over to my apartment so she and I can talk about a few things. I start talking about the party and such, I tell her about this girl that was trying to hit on me and how I held my ground and thought about my girlfriend. As I am telling my girlfriend this, she says something, not so clear at first, and then I pause and she repeats ... "I kissed a guy at my work."
My jaw dropped ... I didn't know what to think. She told me that it was a french kiss ... and that they kissed because he told her that he didn't like seeing her all upset or what not and that he wanted to see her happy. I guess it was just what she needed to hear. How I must have looked in that situation, like some kind of monster compared to this person that gets to console her at her work.
I tell her that it doesn't bother me enough to not want to be with her. She tells me that she wants me to take her home. I take her home. We don't talk for a week or so afterward, I find getting a hold of her an arduous task. When I do get a hold of her, she is reluctant to talk to me for too long, and she is also reluctant to accept an invitation to spend some time together. This is my girlfriend of three years!
I end up having a few conversations with her in person. Her attitude seems different about ... almost everything. She has this list of things that upset her about me stored up that, in some cases, I didn't even know or think about. It was hard to find the love amidst such anger. I didn't understand what was going on, everything seemed to be going great to me.
She tells me that she needs some space. I try to talk to her about everything, bring up some kind of ... objection or suggestion to the things she is talking about. I started getting nervous, and I broke down in front of her, asked her what I needed to do, what she wanted me to do, if she wanted me to beg ...
I just wanted her to want me again. She tells me that I'm going to have to give her some time. She doesn't know how long or if she's even going to want to be with me after she's had the time to think about it all.
Our last evening spent together was about two nights ago, I'm still pretty shaken by all of this. She started getting frustrated because I guess I just didn't understand or wasn't getting the point that she didn't want to be with me. She told me on that night, however, that she had feelings for that guy at her work. She is honest, and she told me that the only time they had kissed was that one saturday. However, after breaking down all the things she was saying about not being sure or "I don't want to be with you, at least for now" ... it just seemed to me that she wanted to break up so she could try things out with this guy at her work.
If you have read through to this point, thank you. I really am having a hard time with this. My question, ultimately, is ... seeing how I am her first love ... what are the chances of her trying things out with this guy, her changing her mind, and her coming back to me? I wonder if anybody else has had a similar experience where they got back together with their ex after such a break up? She told me in so many words that she did not want to be with me anymore, but at the same time, she would continue to start it off with "at this point in time" or "for now".
After our last night together, two days ago, we suggested that we keep each other up to date with what's going on in our lives. The next day, yesterday, she told me that if I was going to treat her contacting me as a sign that she wants to get back together with me (I was having a hard time letting go) then she wouldn't call me, and she wouldn't answer my calls. Rough. But I told her that I didn't want to be cut off from her life. I feel like such a mess, this was a girl I was planning on being with for the rest of my life ... that I lost to myself, in a way ... and now I am struggling to hang onto the basic threads of our communication.
I could use a big pat on the back now, please help me out here. - Brian
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