Just wanting to let out some frustration before having to meet my ex in the morning for the first time since we split on Saturday. We are meeting so he can give me some money to go on since he just up and left me with nothing. I try not to speculate on how things will go, but today at work I put myself in different scenarios and tried to make myself believe that if any of these things happen I won't cry or try to get him to come home. I know I want him back and I know I love him, but just as many others on this site say, I just can't let this happen to me anymore. He has left many times, more than four that I can remember. Maybe this does have something to do with his bi-polar but if he wanted things to work he would seek help that has been offered on many occasions. I have to meet him before work, which I dread because I know if he acts like he usually does, he will say things to me that he know will make me cry. I wonder sometimes if he is seeing someone else, then again I know deep down that he will always be a "walk away joe" and never be able to maintain a relationship for any amount of time. I hope and pray that God will give me the strength to be able to walk away and be at peace with my ex tomorrow.
Ugh! I'm so sorry you're in so much pain... I went thru a pretty awful divorce myself almost 2 years ago... I would like to tell you something that a dear friend of mine had told me... I don't know why, but it really helped me so much to face my own fears and realize I was going to be okay... although I think my situation was different than yours is right now as I was the one who divorced my husband it was for reasons that were difficult...
So here it is (and this honestly became my mantra)
"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is wouldn't make you cry"
Keep this in your mind before/during and after you have to see him...
hi-
i haven't read all the posts on this site, but have done a rudimentary search, and from what i can tell, you are the only poster whose situation is so similar to my own. my ex is bipolar and walked away from me multiple times prior to the final time, which was two months ago. its truly a maddening situation to be in, i know. the time i spent with my ex felt like an emotional roller coaster, and thats putting it mildly. of course there were periods of stability, but even those were marred by my nagging suspicion that the whole thing would blow up in my face again, that it was only a matter of time before he would decide to walk again. i truly believe that there are dynamics unique to being romantically involved with someone who has bipolar disorder...things that are hard to understand unless you've experienced them. right now on top of the normal, typical run-of-the-mill all consuming heartbreak that accompanies getting dumped (which frankly, until him, i wasn't accustomed to), i'm trying really hard to sort out how the three of us--him, me, and his disease--each contributed to the final outcome of our relationship. its tough. anyway, its late right now and i'm tired but i at least wanted to respond briefly to your message. please do let us know how the meeting goes tomorrow. if you read my other posts you'll learn that i wasn't even able to meet with my ex in person when he came to get his stuff. i left when i knew he'd be there because i KNEW it would be too painful. i honestly felt it would break me. as it is now i've established NO contact and have instructed all my friends to keep any ex sightings to themselves. i need to live in a bubble for a while till i get a handle on this thing. can't wait till that day comes! anyway, lets stay in touch. i'll write more when i'm not so loopy.
Hi, its great to finally meet someone who knows exactly where I am coming from when it comes to being someone with bi-polar. I truly believe that a person never truly understands where I am coming from because bi-polar is such a bizarre condition. Now on to the update about what happened this morning. When we first met up, he was really nice, asked out I liked my job. He also asked why I was out in another county the other day because one of his friends saw me out. Then when he gave me some money he got upset because he didn't want me to take all his money, but he is living at his dads with all expenses paid, I have our bills to pay. Nevertheless the check was for 430 bucks he gave me 230 and he kept 200. He originally gave me 320 so I could pay for the car payment then he followed me all the way to my work and said he would just wait til next week to pay it. At that time I told him that I did love him and I had tried to make things work and I was sorry they didn't, he said "well I am not saying they won't". From that I know what he is wanting, I know he wants to come back, but he wants me to ask him to come back so he can in his own eyes be in control. I will NOT play this game, so I asked when he was coming to get his stuff, he said since he was off maybe this weekend. Good Lord for my sanity I wish things would change! I do however know this; I will not bow down to any man any longer in my life, that is not how relationships and love are meant to be, for too long I have put my wants and needs behind what he wants and needs. So if he is expecting me to ask him back, he is dead wrong!
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