Maybe reuniting with an ex- have to tell him about the abortion :(

MadeManyMistakes · 3rd June 2004, 3:04 PM

Heres my story, my question to follow:

I have been divorced for one year, we have one child. I just recently saw an ex that I dated as a teen. He wants to date me. Thing is, he doesn't know that when I was 17 he got me pregnant and my mother forced me to abort and stay away from him. I have always had feelings for him, especially with this issue between us. I can't help but wonder what life would have been like if I would have given birth to our child. He has no idea. I feel horrible. I want to see if there is anything left between us but I am afraid to tell him the truth. I will tell him, there is no doubt but how do you think he will react? He is in his early 30's and does not have any children. His only desire at that time was to have a child with me. I was young and foolish.

How long do I wait to tell him? How do I tell him? I am scared.

She's Come Undone · 3rd June 2004, 3:10 PM

Why, why, why do you feel like you have to tell him???

That was a long time ago. You can't change it. All you're going to do is make him feel bad, or mad, or quite possibly alter his feelings, if any, towards you. If I were a man, hearing something like that would make me feel awful!! Please reconsider telling him something that really has no bearing on your present life. If it's meant to be between you that's great, I wish you the best!

MadeManyMistakes · 3rd June 2004, 3:17 PM

I have to tell him because if we do make it, and are meant to be (too early to tell) then I will have this huge secret that I kept from him. I have a few friends who know and what if he found out somehow. Its been 9 years ago and I dont think he knows but I moved away and just recently moved back. I have to tell him. I am just afraid he will hate me. It was his child, and I took that from him without even giving him a choice. We were both drug users though. That impacted my decision. Even though I was a teen and just experimenting with drugs, I had used while I was unaware that I was pregnant. I hope he understands. I live with the guilt.

She's Come Undone · 3rd June 2004, 3:28 PM

Your relationship then and your relationship now are two completely separate things. You know how hard it's been to live with all these years, now you are wanting him to live with it from this moment on?

So you want to end your misery, by coming clean, and begin his???

Give yourself a break, let go of the past. We ALL make mistakes, the smart one's learn from them and move one, the not-so-lucky one's let their mistakes haunt them forever.

MadeManyMistakes · 3rd June 2004, 3:31 PM

I did not think about it as though I was going to make him live with that thought in his head. Maybe he is better off not knowing. I don't want to come clean for my own self peace, I feel horrible about it but I have come to peace with it for you cannot change the past. I guess I just felt like I was keeping something from him.

She's Come Undone · 3rd June 2004, 3:39 PM

I responded to you because I've made the same mistakes in my life. So many people feel so differently about this topic it's hard to actually give an opinion. They already feel a certain way and nothing can change it.

Ask for forgiveness from yourself. You may have not made that decision by yourself (you said your mom basically forced you) but you can see now that it was the right decision for the time and the circumstances.

You have obviously been given another chance with your child. Maybe you'll even get another chance at "true" love!