[gofigerr]

Hi- I have a problem im not sure how to handle it though. My boyfriend is 7 years younger than i am, hes 28, im 35. However most people think im younger because i look very young, anyway, when we met our attraction was all sexual, we had the best sex and couldnt stay away from each other. eventually it grew into a relationship, weve known each other for 7 years and weve been living together for 2 1/2. twice since weve moved in hes had a total breakdown and said he didnt love me, he wasnt happy, hed put me throught hell, then decide that wasnt how he really felt and stayed and acted like nothing happened, it happened the first time right after he moved in, then it happened again just a few months ago. the last time it happened it really blew me away because it came out of no where. he said the sex wasnt that great anymore, he didnt feel the way he thought he should feel afterwards and that he wasnt happy, then right before he was going to move out he changed his mind again, said he loves me and im his best friend and he didnt want to leave he was just really stressed out. (which he was at the time over his job) i find it hard to forget what he said about the sex though, i know hes not cheating on me and it didnt have anything to do with him wanting someone else, i really just think hes not that attracted to me anymore and he stays because i treat him really well, and we get along so well together, no fighting etc., but the sex is lacking, he never really gets that arroused, he tries, but its like hes trying, and now im finding myself thinking about it every time we have sex and i never orgasm anymore because im too self concious, it never used to be that way. im worried that hes just not attracted to me anymore, but he doesnt want to leave because other than that things are great. i feel like i should just make him move on but i really love him and dont want to loose him, but it seems like if i do little things to try and bring back the excitement hes even more turned off, i feel pathetic, but the couple times ive brought it up he says he didnt mean anything he said he was just really stressed out and i should forget it. im lost with this]

thanks

[donnist]

I think that he really isn't quite sure want he wants out of the relationship. Because one minute he wants you and he doesn't the next. The best advice I can give is to let him loose. Give him some "space" let him come to you with a clear mind. It may or may not be with the best outcome it the end but at least you both will have a better clue where you each stand. The sex thing I cannot really comment about because its more of an internal issue with yourself. I hope this helps...

[gofigerr]

Thank you, I guess im just starting to realize the age difference and im scared that im gonna be 40 and hes gonna take off with a 28 year old, it almost seems inevitable.

[Mr baseball]

I am a male in the same boat as you are. My wife feels that she has no physical attraction to me and she is not sure how to get it back. I don't think this is a good thing at all and feel doomed like you do. One thing I think for sure is it will be something he will have to decide on. You might have to wait it out. This may be his own problem and it has nothing to do with you. I do wonder if things can go back so they can go forward.

[gofigerr]

Thanks for the reply, something thats happend over the last week....I decided to talk to him about it, I told him that I'm now feeling different towards him than I used to because he has done this now 3 times out of no where. That its made me very self concious and that when we have sex now, I'm just not enjoying it because all I can think of are the things that he said, I told him that now I'm feeling unhappy and unattracted to him..... So guess what- all of the sudden he's all over me, he says when I look at him he can see I'm not feeling him anymore and he's afraid I'm not going to be around long. Hes all the sudden wanting sex morning and night... I guess I could say "now what? Do i just go with it or should I be careful to not let things get right back to where they were?" I think my answer for myself is that life and love are not easy, any relationship thats ever made it has had its ups and downs im sure, i'll take it day by day and tell myself that if he ever does that to me again it will be the last time.. for now i'll just enjoy the good times we have- because like I said, we are like best friends in every other way, Ive never gotten along with anyone so well, we really enjoy each other... Good luck to you, dont let your wife feel like youre not attractive and dont let her drag down your self esteem.. Life is too short.