I need guy feedback on this one! help

Kai_xx · 30th May 2004, 6:19 PM

I need an emotional vacation! Help

ok I have known this guy for 6 yrs <but not close> we've gone our seperate ways and just now started a relationship. BUT it was very short lived. We dated for a month and it was very fast and strong. We didn't use protection and were very careless. I am a medic and he is a firefighter. So we knew disease wise we were good. The problem I'm having is we had a fight monday and I told him we needed to slow down. Tuesday morning before work I took him his clothes that I had washed and dropped them off. I had no reason for doing it except just to drop them off. Tuesday night I see him at the bar and he said he needed to know where we stood. I told him the bar was not the place to talk and lets walk. He didn't want to walk. I told him I wouldnt talk now and walked off.

He took the new waitress home that night. He told me the next day it was because at least SHE wanted to be there. So I cried and asked how he could do that over a fight? He said he thought we were done. Then I asked if he was going to see her again and he said he couldnt guarentee he wouldnt. I left and barely spoke to him for the remainder of the week. NEXT thursday I see him at a different bar. He's drinkin <which is good in away b/c he's a very honest individual when he's drunk> and he asks me to take him home. He tells me he wants to be together as long as I stop running from him. I agree. So ok..we are together I thought. We end up in the sack and for the first time he doesnt pull out.. Why? I don't know.

Next mornin..he's cold again. Says he doesnt remember anything. <he's lying I can tell> I ask if he wants to see me this weekend and he gives me a rundown of why he can't. BTW when I took him home the girl had left a note on his car that said for him to call her and she missed seeing him tonite. <he smiled all little kiddie while reading it>

I don't talk to him for awhile then when I do catch him online I ask him why he lied to me that thursday. He said it would be easier to admit to lying than trying to explain why he did it. He said he did remember what he said. He is now really cold to me and I don't know what I did wrong! He called me yesterday out of the blue and said if I did come back pregnant he wanted me to know he didnt want a child.
What did I do wrong? Did it go so fast it burnt out? Any guy feedback would be great.

moimeme · 30th May 2004, 6:24 PM

Sorry, I'm not a guy - just wanted to say he's done you a favour. Any man who'd take a waitress home one night and sleep with her because he 'thought you were over' isn't much of a catch. Be glad he's moved on. You did not do anything wrong. He did.

dudesomewhere · 30th May 2004, 9:15 PM

when I asked someone recently where we stood I went home and read and did some art. They went out to a club

. How weird am I huh? I'm a guy!

heartattacked · 31st May 2004, 11:21 AM

Ok... I think that there are much nicer guys out there. This guy sounds like a mess! How old is he? Sounds like the bottom-line is that he wants to have a good time, and you want more than just a good time. Hence the stalemate. As much as it may hurt you, you won't be able to force him to feel differently all by yourself. Although, perhaps life as a whole will one day teach him to be more decent to people - especially the opposite gender.

What kind of advice do you think anyone would give to you? Be the person guy or girl? I'm a guy and I will tell you that this particular guy will only end up hurting you again if you continue to express interest in him. I sense that you have strong feelings for him? Perhaps no advice will be able to cure you of those feelings - only Time itself is usually good at subduing romantic feelings.

It's probably best for you to try to go out with your friends and meet other people. Rather than wallow in your misery at home or by yourself. Your feelings will most certainly get the best of you without others around to distract you. Yeah, so you have to "use" your friends to get over this guy, they won't mind.

Kai_xx · 31st May 2004, 1:29 PM

Hey heart.. he's 27. I just don't know. I have never been treated this way~especially by someone whom was supposed to be my friend. I guess in asking for a guys help. I was thinkin maybe he could tell me in guy terms what the heck happened and what I did wrong. I am so confused. And you are right, I do care emensly and time is a verb here.

heartattacked · 31st May 2004, 1:50 PM

Hmm.... it's hard to say anything for certain about this. I don't think I'm like most guys, so maybe my insight isn't that great. But... on the surface of things it looks as though he is just playing around. Either that, or he isn't quite sure of his feelings or has conflicting feelings. I would try to just sit his ass down and have a serious talk with him. Express to him what this is doing to you and how it would be nice to either move in one direction or the other - away from each other or towards each other. If he considers you a friend, he will listen to you and at least be mildly concerned about how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen, I question how much he cares for you as a person. But then again, it's so hard to tell what's truly going on inside of someone - male or female!

heartattacked · 31st May 2004, 2:06 PM

Also, it doesn't sound like you did anything necessarily wrong. Every person has different tastes in things and some people are annoyed by things you could never even imagine. There's no way to know for sure if he was annoyed by anything you did - perhaps he thought that you should just talk to him at the bar. But I myself feel that you were in the RIGHT - he should be willing to depart from a bar to talk to you. What are his priorities? Shouldn't you be above a bar?